


Lyfrassir Edda, The Archivist

by AsteriskEmily



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast), The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Canon-Typical Brutal Pipe Murder, Canon-Typical Violence, I love you scuzz <3, Lyf is jon, Lyf plays cello, Multi, This has been in my head for a bit, it gonna be a series
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:41:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 40,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23211169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsteriskEmily/pseuds/AsteriskEmily
Summary: Jonathan Sims was not human. Sure they were an avatar of an Eldritch god of fear, but that’s not what we’re talking about here. “Jonathan Sims” was really named Lyfrassir Edda, they were born over a century ago on New Midgard, and they were not human.
Relationships: Georgie Barker & Jonathan Sims, Jonathan Sims/Georgie Barker (but only for a bit), Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist/Martin Blackwood/Sasha James/Tim Stoker, Lyfrassir Edda & Scuzz Nishimura, Poly Mechs
Comments: 565
Kudos: 867
Collections: Identity Crisis





	1. Welcome to Earth

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been thinking about this for a while. I’m gonna try to go through major events in tma with the perspective of Lyf as Jon. This chapter is a bit of a prequel.

Jonathan Sims was not human. Sure they were an avatar of an Eldritch god of fear, but that’s not what we’re talking about here. “Jonathan Sims” was really named Lyfrassir Edda, they were born over a century ago on New Midgard, and they were not human. Sure Midgardians look a lot like humans, but once you look a bit deeper you’ll find those less then subtle differences. The extra ribs, the missing kidney, the third set of teeth. Not to mention the effects Yog Sothoth, the Other Eldritch god they had unintentionally served, had on them.

Jonathan Sims was not human, but they had done their best to play the part. When their lovers, The Mechanisms, died, they couldn’t stand to watch. They found the nearest planet where they could pass for a member of the dominant species and and jumped ship. They chose a new name (one of the most common on the planet with the added benefit of pissing off the first mate) and settled down.

Apparently a 26 year old on New Midgard was only 19 on Earth, so they were stuck as a university student. It was boring to say the least, but they did find a few things to make it a little more bearable. One of those things was Georgie Barker. Georgie seemed fearless, she was an utter outlier amongst the humans that Jon had met. Something about that fearlessness reminded them of The Mechanisms, so they kept her close. Maybe, they would later realize, a little to close. Georgie asked them out after almost a year of friendship and they were so shocked that they didn’t fully process what was happening until they were sitting across from her in an ice cream parlor. 

“I’m sorry, I completely spaced out,” Jon laughed “What did you say?” 

“I said your ice cream is melting” Jon looked down and saw that the small cup of mint chip did in fact look a bit more like a bowl of soup. 

“Oh! Yeah it is!” Georgie laughed as Jon scooped out some of the liquid and slurped it down. 

The rest of the date was uneventful. So was the rest of the relationship. They dated less out of genuine attraction to each other and more because they didn’t have anything better to do. They broke up a little after uni when Jon was gonna move for work. The break up was simple and clean with both of them agreeing that there was no reason for her to move with them.

Jon got a new apartment in London and started working at the Magnus Institute. It was all paperwork and filing cabinets. And then a woman named Gertrude died. Jon didn’t know her, maybe he passed her in the hallway once, if that. But she died and Jon, completely unqualified, got her job.


	2. Ivy>Jon>Gertrude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon gets to know their job a little better, as well as the people that they work with. And maybe, just maybe, they’ll be allowed to get to know them.

Ivy’s Archives on the Aurora were meticulous. There were hundreds of shelves, each with books and files neatly organized with a system that no one, but her seemed to truly understand. These were not Ivy’s Archives. There were statements strewn about with no care. There was an ancient computer on a small desk near the bottom of the staircase that looked like it hadn’t been touch once in Gertrude Robinson’s time as archivist and was no help in finding anything. 

Jon had three assistants. There was Sasha James, a researcher who Jon had spoken to maybe twice in their time as at the institute and who they really only knew because she brought cupcakes to work on her birthday last year and shared them with the other researchers. She was a tall woman with long, black hair usually braided and draped over her shoulder. She didn’t seem to care all that much for work, but when she actually put in the effort, she was always efficient and accurate. 

Then of course there was Timothy Stoker, the office flirt. Jon knew him a little better because a few times he had managed to talk them into going out for drinks a couple of times. Tim was not only a good worker who was probably over qualified for the job, but he was also an asset because he could talk his way into learning anything. 

Last and probably least was Martin Blackwood. Jon had had the misfortune of working with him several times before they were both transferred to the archives and they honestly believed that he had lied on his CV. Despite his incompetence, Martin was nice and he was great at making tea, so he was good to have around. It was Martin who suggested digitalizing the archives and then, when Microsoft Word quit every time one of them tried to type out a statement, he suggested recording them. Martin even found the old tape recorders in one of the storage rooms.

-

“End Recording” Jon turned off the tape recorder and set down Mr. Watts’ statement. They felt tired and uneasy. It took them a moment to to place why the unease felt so familiar, and then they remembered Odin starring out at them. It wasn’t until now that they realized they had be feeling it for quite some time now. They had been feeling it since they got this job. Maybe if they hadn’t gotten distracted they could’ve realized then, that they should run, that this job was nothing but trouble. But then Tim walked in and they forgot their train of thought altogether.

“Hey boss, I- oh sorry were you recording?” He pointed down at the recorder on Jon’s desk.

“I-no I just finished. What did you need?” 

“Well I just got that police report about the Amy Patel statement. I marked a few things that I thought it might be good to look a little further into.” He handed over the report and Jon looked it over and saw a few lines marked with highlighter.

“Thank you, Tim. Was that all?” The slight smirk sneaking onto his face was enough to tell them that, no, that was not all.

“Well, Sasha and I were talking,” in Jon’s experience, Tim and Sasha “talking” usually meant trouble. “And we thought maybe we should all go out for drinks to get to know each other.”

So, despite his best efforts, Jon found themself siting in a booth next to Martin and across from Sasha, waiting for Tim to come back with drinks. Tim and Sasha had booed them for asking for just water, but earth alcohol was so weak compared to the stuff he was used to that it was all the same to him. Even whiskey, the perhaps most universal drink across all planets, was weak here. Water was just the only thing on the menu that wouldn’t taste like shit. They were snapped out of thought by Tim setting down a glass in front of them.

“And here’s your water, loser.” He laughed as he sat down next to Sasha. She smacked his arm and laughed along.

“Keep in mind that he’s your boss, Stoker.” 

“Keep in mind that I don’t recognize his authority because you should’ve gotten his job, James.” He stuck out his tongue at her. Sasha nearly spit out her drink in shock when he said that and Martin glanced nervously between him and Jon.

“TIM!” She cried 

“What?” He laughed “Tell me I’m wrong.”

“You’re not wrong.” Jon cut it. It was Tim’s turn to stare in shock. “I was as surprised as anyone that I was chosen for the job over Sasha. I assume that it’s some sexist bullshit or something.” They took a long sip from their glass to avoid their assistants stares. Tim finally spoke up.

“Thank you! See, now you have to complain to Elias.” He playfully punched Sasha’s arm while she rolled her eyes.

“I’m not gonna complain.” Tim groaned at her “I’m just gonna do my job to the best of my ability until I’m properly recognized for my work.”

“For what it’s worth, I think you’re amazing at what you do. Honestly, you all make my life much easier. I don’t know what I would be doing in the archives without your help.” Jon smile at their assistants around them. Well, they thought, now is a good of a time as any. “On an unrelated note, I’ve been meaning to tell you all that I would prefer for you to refer to me using they/them pronouns. It was fine when we were all just researchers and we didn’t have to speak so often, but know that we’ll be working so closely together I think it’s important that you know.”

“Sure thing, boss.” Tim pointed a pair of finger guns at him while Martin nodded his head and Sasha gave them a thumbs up. Jon hadn’t been very worried about telling them. After being alive for as long as he had been, silly things like your coworkers opinion stopped mattering so much. Not to mention that they were their boss and could easily transfer one of them to a different department if they decided to be an asshole about to. 

The rest of the night passed without fanfare. Sasha forced them into playing never have I ever, which led to them finding out that everyone in the group had dyed their hair at some point in the past, Sasha was the only one who couldn’t play an instrument, and Tim had once dated five people at the same time. They wouldn’t be telling them that their natural hair was white and they dyed it black to look more human (plus the gray streaks to look older, since they still hadn’t age in their near decade on the planet), or that they used to play cello in a band of space pirates, or that they easily beat Tim’s record, having dated the eight aforementioned space pirates. They wouldn’t tell them everything, but it was nice to start letting people in again. Maybe they could really have a normal life here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You wish you could have a normal life. You can tell that the first half of this was written pre-season 5 based on the way I talked about Sasha, but I don’t feel like editing.   
> My tumblr is @my-shitty-taz-fanblog if you’d like to come speak to me


	3. A Tale to be Told

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Statement of Naomi Herne makes Jon realize that there could be more to the stories in the archives. Maybe things won’t be as normal as they had hoped.

The statement of Naomi Herne... frightened them. They weren’t scared of fog or graveyards or anything like that. No, what scared them was how much she sounded like she was telling the truth.

This world was supposedly normal. They had played concerts here hundreds of times and even spent a few years in a prison on this planet a while back. It’s where Gunpowder Tim was from and he had always said that it was boring, nothing at all interesting besides the wars. But the way that Ms. Herne spoke about getting lost in that fog... there was something more. That didn’t sit well with them. 

When Ms. Herne left, with tears in her eyes, they sat in silence, staring at the paperwork in front of them. At some point, they think, Martin must have brought in the mug of tea on the corner of their desk that was now cold. He probably asked if they were okay and they probably brushed him off, but they couldn’t bring themself to remember. They were trapped in their thoughts and worries about the fog and the graveyard and all those things that couldn’t be real. 

The way she talked reminded them of those cold nights shortly after the end of the world. Running as far as they could from Ragnarok. The only survivor, completely and utterly alone. That and the vague feeling of wrongness they felt every time they stepped into the institute, it was off-putting. If there was one thing that their travels had taught them, it was how to find a tale worth telling, and maybe they had just gotten to good at it. Stumbled into a story that they never even looked for. 

They were the last to go home that night. They didn’t feel like having to deal with Tim trying to chat as they walked to the underground. They went to sleep almost immediately, foregoing any sort of dinner. They had nightmares that night, but not any they would remember. It wasn’t the all consuming rainbow madness or the staring faces looking out at them. It was Ms. Herne, they were watching her. She was lost and she couldn’t find a way out. It wasn’t like the story she had told them, she wouldn’t be getting away. 

The next morning they woke up with a fuzzy feeling in the back of their head. They showered and got dressed and noticed that they should probably touch up their roots soon. They ate a bagel while on the train and tried to ignore the dread they felt walking down into the archives. Martin was already there, pouring water from the kettle into four mugs. 

“Good morning, Jon.” He smiled up at them as they walked past. “Tea should be done in a couple minutes.” Jon gave him a curt nod and headed into their office. It bothered them a little, how nice Martin was. They were honestly just not used to it. Back with the mechs there was always a 50% chance that any interaction would end with a bullet in the skull, and while Georgie never shot them, she was a bit more of the tough love type. But then there was Martin. Martin who would be early to work every day so he could make everyone tea. Martin who always smile and ask how they were doing. Martin who, to be fair, would laugh along when Tim and Sasha made fun of them, but never joined in. It was unnerving. 

There was a small knock on their office door as Martin came in and silently placed a mug on the corner of their desk. He turned around to leave, but the Jon remembered. 

“Oh, Martin, I had almost forgotten.” Martin turned back around with a small shy smile.

“What’s that?” He asked

“I need you to look into the Carlos Vittery statement. Check if he really lived in the places he said he lived and all that.” His smile wavered a little, but he still nodded.

“Will that be all then?” He asked 

“Yes.” Martin turned to leave and for whatever reason Jon felt the need to stop him again. “Oh, and Martin?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you for the tea.” Martin smiled and nodded again before finally leaving the office. Behind the door they could hear him quietly say something to Tim and Sasha who had apparently arrived at this point and the two of them cheering at whatever he had told them. They’re pretty sure Tim high-fived him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The thing that Martin told them was that Jon thanked him. That is worthy of applause. And statement of Carlos Vittery? You know what that means.  
> My tumblr is @my-shitty-taz-fanblog if you’d like to come speak to me


	4. Worms!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if Jon had a gun?

Two weeks is a very short amount of time. With the monotony and repetition of an archive job, it could pass by in the blink of an eye. And yet, as Jon stared at Martin sitting in the chair on the other side of their desk, it was clear that the past two weeks had been an eternity. His hair was a mess and deep, dark bags sat below his eyes. His face was streaked with tears, his shirt was stuck to him with sweat, and his hands shook so bad that he had nearly spilled the tea that Sasha had made him.

“You’re sure about all of this, Martin?” They asked and Martin’s frown deepened.

“I’m not gonna lie to you about something like this, Jon. I like my job.” 

“Of course,” they tried to put on something like a comforting smile. “There’s a room in the back of the Archives that I use to sleep when I’m working late. I suggest that you stay there for now. I’ll look into getting better security, but the archives have enough locks for now. It’s also supposed to be humidity controlled and, though it hasn’t been working for some time, it does mean it’s well-sealed. Nothing will be sneaking through any window cracks.”

“Okay... thanks.” Martin looked altogether shocked. He stared down at his hands while he was wringing then together. “To be honest, I didn’t expect you to take it seriously.” 

Jon had an act to keep up. The tired skeptic with a mostly normal life. Of course they knew that most of these statements were probably true. Of course they knew that Martin wasn’t lying. It just didn’t fit the role that they had put themself in. They still felt guilty for making him think that they would just disregard them. They did their best to reassure their assistant, show the evidence of the texts and prove to him that he wasn’t crazy. Then their phone chimed. 

“Keep him. We have had our fun. He will want to see it when the Archivist’s crimson fate arrives.” Their phone glared up at them and they almost laughed. Threats of death were not something they took very seriously, but clearly this Prentiss lady had no way of knowing that. For Martin’s sake they didn’t show their amusement and again promised to talk to Elias about security. 

All the locks were changed and only archival staff and Elias had keys into the Archives. It became staff policy to make sure every door in the Archives was closed unless someone was moving through it. Everyone started staying a bit later, no one quite keen on leaving Martin alone at night. Jon started to keep a gun in their desk, just in case there were ever too many worms to just stomp out. It was an artifact of a past life, a gift from Gunpowder Tim. 

To anyone on earth the gun would look like a prop out of a sci-fi film, with the glowing lines of super charged plasma cutting through the metal. It was warm to the touch and had a pleasant, strangely calming weight to it when Jon held it in their hand. Before it was in their desk, it was kept in a small lockbox under their bed along with several pictures and other memories. 

Choosing to once again start keeping the gun nearby had not been a light decision. It was almost like admitting defeat, admitting that the normal life that they had hoped to settle into was just as scary and dangerous as the one they had lost. Jon didn’t want to need a gun, but they needed to be able to keep their staff safe. It actually reminded them of when they had received to gun in the first place.

—

Lyf was sure that they were gonna die. Whatever that thing was that had gotten onto the Aurora was going to kill them. Almost all of the crew was already dead and it was just them and Tim. They stared down at their shaking hand that was clasped in his and wondered how the crew would end up dealing with that thing. They knew that the Mechanisms would find a way out. They knew they wouldn’t be there to see it.

Tim pulled them around another corner of the Aurora’s winding hallways and they heard the thing growling out of one of those sharp, drooling mouths. Tim had found them hiding from the beast and had started dragging them along with him. Lyf had no clue where they were going, only getting shushed when they tried to ask. At last they reached a door that the ship opened for them and Tim dragged them inside. When the lights clicked on they saw a room that was covered wall to wall with guns, Tim’s armory.

“I thought you don’t let anyone in here.” Lyf wasn’t really talking to him as much as thinking out loud.

“It’s a special case.” Tim was picking up guns, examining them, then setting them aside. He came across an old plasma blaster and he started looking it over, then he grabbed Lyf’s wrist and shoved it into their hand. Lyf stared at it, dumbfounded, while Tim continued looking.

“Why?” Was all they could think to ask.

“If we’re gonna kill that beast, then we’re gonna need all hands in deck. I’m pretty sure it ate Jonny’s hands, so you’re all I’ve got.” He was now holding a large, automatic rifle and he had two more pistols in the holsters strapped to his legs. Tim walked out of the small room and Lyf carefully followed after. The two of them opened fire on the beast and managed to keep it occupied for long enough for the others to start regenerating and helping. 

The slavering moon-beast was trapped in the brig and the crew was safe. That’s the thought that Lyf held onto. The crew is safe they thought as they bled out on the floor from the huge gash in their chest where the beast’s claws cut through them. Marius and Raphaella were kneeling beside them, trying to stop the bleeding. Ivy said something about the likelihood of them surviving and Jonny shot her. Everyone else stood around helplessly in the pool of red that surrounded what would soon be the corpse of Lyfrassir Edda. The crew is safe they thought. And then there was nothing.

—

The archival staff will be safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was supposed to be about Martin, but then I gave Jon a gun I things got a little crazy.  
> My tumblr is @my-shitty-taz-fanblog if you’d like to come yell about gun!jon


	5. Distortion, Interference, Static

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasha is bleeding? Why is that?

It was two in the morning when Jon was awoken from their already-not-so-great sleep by the loud buzzing of their phone on their bedside table. The caller ID said it was Martin and they had half a mind to ignore it and try again at sleep. Martin had been through a lot and Jon respected that, but the amount of time spent dealing with his paranoia was starting to be exhausting. They did decide to pick up the phone in case something had actually happened and they were shocked to hear Sasha’s voice on the other end.

“Hello Jon, I’m bleeding.” She was rather matter of fact about it and it almost made them laugh at how calm she was. They could hear Martin fretting over her in the background and asking her to hold still.

“Oh, okay.” Is all Jon could come up with as a response in their still sleepy state. “Why is that?”

“I’ll tell you everything in my statement when you get over here.” And then she hung up. Jon sighed and dropped the phone onto their bed. They didn’t bother getting properly dressed and just threw on an old hoodie and a pair of flannel pants before starting the walk to the institute. The lights were off in the old building and it cast an ominous shadow over the street.

The night guard, hired as part of the expanded security after Martin’s return, sat in an uncomfortable looking office chair at the top of the steps down to the archives. A pair of headphones covered her ears and even from down the long hallway Jon could hear the loud pop-punk music blaring from them. She stared down into a mug of tea that Jon assumed Martin had brought her (they knew that he felt guilty that she had to stay up so late for him) and they recognized the look in her eyes. She was trying desperately to repress whatever it was she’d just seen. When she noticed Jon approaching, she adjusted her headphones so that one ear stuck out.

“Good evening, Shauna.” Jon smiled and nodded at her like it was completely normal for them to be here at this hour. 

“Yep.” Was all she offered as a response before re-covering her ear and continuing her staring contest with the tea. She blew a deep breath directed out at the strand of pastel blue hair that had fallen out of her bun and into her face. Jon decided that small talk and normalcy was a lost cause and they headed down the dark steps.

In the Archives, Martin was still fretting over Sasha like a mother hen. Sasha was sat on top of her own desk and looked decidedly more calm about the entire situation. She was wearing what looked like one of Martin’s tee-shirts and her own clearly ripped and bloody blouse sat in her lap. Over the collar of the tee, Jon could see bandages on her shoulder. She started to raise her hand to wave, but winced slightly and thought better of it. 

“Hi, Jon.” Her smile seemed to be forced but she did seem genuinely relieved the Martin was now distracted. Martin turned his attention to stumbling over hellos and Jon heard Tim call some sort of greeting from the break room around the corner. “So ready for that statement?”

“I suppose it’s best to get it out of the way first.” She pushed herself off the desk and towards Jon’s office.

-

Shortly after Sasha finished her statement and the archival staff had a talk about getting some CO2 fire extinguishers to keep around, everyone (except for Martin) made their way home. Jon didn’t bother trying to sleep again and they decided that they would just stay up until it was a reasonable hour to return to the institute. 

In the hours spent waiting for the sun to rise they had plenty of time to think. Jon was shocked to find themself good and properly scared. It had be several hundred years since they were scared and it wasn’t a pleasant return. They had a sick feeling in the pit of their stomach and their hands shook uncontrollably. The worms weren’t an isolated incident. This was real. The things that were coming were clearly inhuman, monstrous. But hey, who were they to judge?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took too long to write and it’s not good but it’s out in the world now. I probably spent too much time talking about shauna, but hey, it’s a surprise tool that will help us later.  
> My tumblr is @my-shitty-taz-fanblog if you’d like to come speak to me


	6. Working Late and Making New Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Melanie King comes to make a statement.

There were a lot of reasons that Jon would work so late. Reason number one was that they honestly kind of loved their job. All they did all day was read silly, two-bit horror stories and then put them away once they were done. Occasionally they had to grab the old tape recorder and record one of those statements that left them with a dizzying headache and a feeling of dread in the pit of their stomach, but the utterly ancient recorders were fun to use and they got to do fun voices when reading the statements that wouldn’t record digitally.

Reason number two was boredom. The Magnus Institute was one of the only non-boring places that they had found on Earth. Sure it’s brand of excitement was a bit much for most people, but Jon couldn’t get drunk and couldn’t break any laws, so they were gonna take what they could get.

Reason number three was Martin K. Blackwood. Living alone in the Archives clearly didn’t have the best effect on him and they didn’t really like leaving him alone. Apparently when Sasha had come in after her encounter with “Michael,” she found him face down in his cot, listening to Mitski and crying. Jon didn’t want that to get much worse than it already was.

And reason number four was that they honestly had no fucking clue what time it was. They had never bothered to check a clock, so they had three references for time: when Tim and Sasha left, when Shauna arrived, and when Martin made himself instant noodles in the break room for dinner. The biggest problem with this system was that, since they spent most of their time hulled up in their office, they rarely witnessed any of those things happen. Today, however, they did actually manage to notice Shauna’s arrival, as it was marked by loud music that could be heard even from the bottom of the steps. They took a moment to be concerned about her hearing before the music abruptly stopped and they heard her speaking to someone. After a short conversation two sets of steps made their way into the Archives. Shauna was followed by a woman that Jon knew that they knew, but couldn’t quite place.

“Good evening, Shauna.” They nodded at the security guard and only received her customary “yep.” They turned their attention to the short women with the platform combat boots and the electric blue hair. “And you are?”

“Melanie King.” She shook their hand and eyed the still very messy Archives with suspicion. “I guess I’m here to make a statement.”

“Oh, you’re a friend of Georgie’s, right?” That’s where they recognized her from. She looked slightly taken aback that they knew this and was now glaring at them. “I’m Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist here as well as Georgie’s ex. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Oh, you’re That Jon. That explains why Georgie was so insistent that I come make a statement.” She calmed a little, but not much. 

“Well, it’s nice to know that she’s so supportive of my work despite having referred to the institute as ‘the least credible academic institution on the continent.’” That managed to get a small laugh out of both her and Shauna before the guard quietly made her way upstairs. 

“Well I can’t say that I disagree with her, you don’t exactly have the best reputation.” She paused for a moment, looking around awkwardly. 

“Well, if you’re ready to make that statement you can wait in my office while I go grab some stuff.” She nodded and entered the office as directed. Jon didn’t even bother getting the digital recording equipment and instead grabbed the tape recorder. They also popped into the break room to let Martin know that they would be recording and ask him to make Melanie some tea.

When they returned with the tape recorder Melanie laughed, but she continued on with her story. When she was done, she handed over the video of what she saw, but she was right in saying it was heavily distorted.

“And that, Ms. King, is why we use tape.” They closed the mostly static video and looked back at were Melanie was sat across from them. “You said it was Georgie who put you in contact with Sarah Baldwin?”

“Uh, yeah. Apparently they met at some networking thing, I can ask her more about it if you need.”

“That won’t be necessary. We’ll have to check with her anyway to confirm your story.” Melanie looked a bit offended at that, so they quickly elaborated. “It’s not that I don’t believe you, but like you said, we take statements from anyone. It’s standard policy to have other people confirm details.”

“It’s fine if you don’t believe me, I know I sound crazy. I’m gonna go.” She got up, but Jon caught up to her before she could get to the stairs.

“There’s one more thing, if you don’t mind.” They gestured for her to follow and she did so reluctantly. They looked through one of the few actually organized boxes until they found it. The statement of Nathan Watts. They pulled out the police report from the file and handed it over to Melanie.

“And what’s this?” She asked

“As research for another statement, we looked into a number of disappearances from several years ago. One of those disappearances was one Sarah Baldwin.” She was now staring at the report and looking quite shocked. “She has been missing and presumed dead since 2006 and in those past nine years, none of her friends or family have reported seeing her. This all begs the question, who’d you meet?”

“That’s not possible.” Melanie’s voice was just above a whisper as Jon took back the report and put away the file.

“Well, neither is removing your skin and stapling it back on, but here we are.” Melanie was staring at them like they just grew a third eye, but they continued on. “Now it’s getting to be very late and I think it’s best that we both head home for the evening. We’ll call you if we find anything else.”

“Right, sounds good.” She watched them gather their coat and bag before she went upstairs. Jon checked that they had everything before smiling over at where Martin was sat.

“Goodnight.” Martin looked up from the small notebook he was writing in.

“Oh, goodnight, Jon. Have a nice evening.”

“You too.” They made their way upstairs where Shauna and Melanie were still chatting. “Goodnight.”

“Oh, you too” Melanie waved and Shauna nodded. They walked out of the institute and in the direction of their flat, not feeling like going through the rather emotional journey of taking the train. A walk would be pleasant enough. They looked up at the sky and Knew that it would start to rain before they made it home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t post for a month and then I come back with two chapters in two days. I had a lot of fun writing Melanie. Also Shauna is still here for reasons. Also Martin was writing poetry in that notebook.  
> My tumblr is @my-shitty-taz-fanblog if you wanna come talk to me please I’m so lonely.


	7. Bon Appetit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon has a very mechs sense of humor and dr. Elliott is not amused

Dr. Lionel Elliott held up two halves of an apple. Inside the apple was what looked like (and what Dr. Elliott had confirmed were) human teeth. Somehow, this was not the first time Jon had seen something like this. The Toy Soldier had once gifted them something very similar.

“Good Lord, that’s...” They were cut of by Dr. Elliott who had a look of madness creeping into his eyes.

“Deeply unpleasant, yes.” He stared down at the apple like it was about to come alive and bite at him.

“No, no, no, I was gonna say hilarious.” Jon finally let go of the laughter that they had been holding back. “God, the matching outfits, the spasming hearts, the fake names that weren’t even trying to sound real. It’s all really, really funny.”

“This isn’t a joke, this really happened.” Dr. Elliott had stood up at this point and was now screaming at them. They tried to calm down and looked them in the eyes, but the look of rage they received just set them of laughing again.

“I know, I know it’s real.” Their lungs hurt and their face was almost certainly red. They were trying desperately to talk between fits of giggles. “The fact that it’s all real makes it that much funnier.”

“You’re crazy.” Dr. Elliott’s rage had morphed into horror as he started to back away towards the door.

“Wait, don’t leave! I have a question.” Their giggles subsided as Dr. Elliott gestured for them to continue. “Why didn’t you want to teach them?”

“Why? God, you really are crazy aren’t you?” Jon shrugged and he carried on. “They were horrifying and they clearly weren’t human. I have no idea what they were planning to do once they could believable pass, but I doubt it would’ve been anything good.”

“Well yeah, obviously not, but they weren’t personally harming you. They just wanted to play pretend at humanity, so let ‘em. And they probably would’ve been way less creepy if you had actually taught them to act human.” Dr. Elliott made a face like he clearly didn’t agree, but he said nothing. “All the same, we’ll call if we find anything.”

“Please... don’t.” He glanced nervously between the door and Jon, clearly eager to leave.

“Fair enough, if not disappointing. I trust that you can find your way out on your own?” In favor of any sort of response, the doctor made a hasty escape from the Archives, leaving Jon with the two apple halves that had been dropped on the floor. They picked them up and moved into the main room of the Archives where their three assistants were working.

“I haven’t laughed that much in years.” They told them as a big grin found its way back onto their face.

“Another fake statement?” Tim asked 

“Nope.” They put emphasis on popping the P. This gained questioning glances from all three, but only Sasha asked.

“Then what was so funny.” They held up the apple, which received three identical looks of horror and disgust. Jon just smiled.

“Bone Apple Teeth!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is short but I couldn’t get it out of my head once I thought of it.  
> Tumblr is @my-shitty-taz-fanblog (but it’s been a minute since I posted anything taz)


	8. Tma If Jon Had a Gun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miss. Prentiss has arrived and no one is quite brave enough to ask why Jon has a gun. Warning for canon typical worms and canon atypical method of removal for said worms.

Jon didn’t like spiders. Maybe it was because they didn’t have them on Midgard and they only encountered them once they started living on the Aurora, maybe it was because of the book, it’s hard to say. No matter the reason, they were not a fan.

Now, perhaps that had over reacted, but they really didn’t like spiders and if their time with the Mechanisms had taught them anything, it was that when you don’t like something, you shoot it. So they shot the spider. As soon as the shot collided with the shelf that the small beast was sat on, it collapsed.

“Well, shit.” Jon mumbled as they bent down to start picking up the now scattered files that had fallen to the floor. They were vaguely aware of the door to their office opening and Sasha entering.

“Are you alright?” She sounded worried. Jon sat up from where they were on the floor so that they could see her.

“Yeah,” the offered as simple thumbs up as she walked around their desk. “There was a spider.”

“A spi-“ she cut herself off. Jon followed her gaze and kick themself for leaving it out. “Is that a gun?”

“... no?” She just looked at them until they broke. “Yes, yes it is.”

“We’ll have that conversation when this is all cleaned up.” Jon nodded and the two of them silently started to pick up pieces of the shelf. Then Sasha noticed the hole in the wall. “Hey, look at this. It goes right through.”

“Huh, that weird. I’m pretty sure that it’s supposed to be an exterior wall.” It was to dark to see what was on the other side, but it was clearly something. They started to pick at the edges of the hole to get a better look.

“Do you see anything?” They could barely hear her as they picked away larger and larger chunks of the plasterboard wall. There was a sound on the other side, what was it?

“It really dark I can’t quite...” The sound of wet squelching filled the room as the wave of worms forced their way through. “Shit! Run!” 

Jon grabbed Sasha wrist and practically jumped over their desk. They were almost out of the office when they remembered the glowing plasma blaster on their desk. They turned around and grabbed it and the tape recorder. Their hands were shaking and their shots were wild, but the squirming mass was so large that they were almost guaranteed to hit no matter where they aimed.

Martin had joined them and Sasha at some point. He helped fight back the worms with one of the fire extinguishers. They knew they needed to get out, but they couldn’t get their mind to focus enough for them to know where to go. Martin grabbed them by the collar and started pulling them somewhere. They dropped the tape at some point and they winced as they watched it get buried by the sickly, silver mass. Martin pulled them into the room where he slept. Jon immediately let himself drop to the ground as Martin started his panicked doteing.

“What’s happening? Are you two alright? Did any of them get you? Why does Jon have a gun?” Martin asked questions fast then Jon could process. He was looking them and Sasha up and down nervously when he saw the holes. One in Jon’s shin and one in Sasha’s forearm. “Oh god, one second.”

Martin grabbed a shoe box from under his cot and opened it. He pulled out rubbing alcohol, bandages, and a corkscrew. When he looked back up at them, he saw Jon shoving their pockets knife deep into their own leg. Blood poured out of the wound as they calmly reached in and pulled out the worm. Both Sasha and Martin looked on in horror as they squished the worm between their fingers. 

“Okay, well I was gonna do a whole thing with a corkscrew, but that works too.” Martin said this at the same time as Sasha yelled out a string of shocked profanity.

“Oh, sorry.” Job had, for a moment, forgotten that, for most people, cutting a long, deep gash into their leg was a big deal. “You can still do your corkscrew thing with Sasha.” 

Martin did in fact do his corkscrew thing with Sasha, pulling the worm out quickly and carefully. Afterwards he started to clean and bandage both of their wounds. 

“I dropped the tape recorder.” They said as Martin wrapped their leg tightly in the bandages.

“What does it matter?” Sasha was now sat on the cot, holding her arm close to her chest and looked down at where they sat on the floor.

“It doesn’t really, but-“ Martin cut them off.

“I have another one in here if you’d like.” He got up and grabbed another tape recorder of of one of the dusty shelves. They set it down next to Jon and pressed the record button. The quiet sound of the spinning tape was almost calming.

“Why record it?” Sasha stood up from the cot and sat down on the ground next to Jon, leaning slightly on their shoulder. “I get why you would go back for the gun, which I’m still avoiding asking about, but why the tape. I thought you hated the thing.”

“I don’t hate it, I just don’t like what it stands for.” Both Sasha and Martin raised their eyebrow at this, so they kept going. “After everything, I just wanted to have a normal life, but there’s so clearly a story here and I can’t leave it. Every real statement, every statement that has to go on tape, leads deeper into something I don’t know the shape of yet. I still don’t know what happened to to Gertrude. I don’t know how Sarah Baldwin could go missing at Old Fishmarket Close and then staple her skin back on at the Cambridge Military Hospital. I don’t know what replaced Graham Folger or what it has to do with the table thats upstairs in artifact storage, but I want to know. I want to see how this all plays out. And what’s happening right now is just another part of this story, so it might as well get recorded with the rest of it.”

Jon’s assistants stared at them and they couldn’t stand the silence. They stood up and immediately Martin and Sasha were telling them not to put pressure on their leg. They weren’t listening, instead they were straining their eyes to see through the dirty windows. 

“It looks like the worms are backing off, but there’s still a few in the corridors.” They looked around a bit more. “Oh, hey, there’s the other tape recorder!”

“Is there any sign of Prentiss.” Sasha asked while Martin stood next to them and also tried to see through the glass.

“No.” He said “It looks like they’re waiting, I think.”

“For what?” Jon turned from the window and leaned against the wall.

“I don’t know. Tim, maybe.” Jon had almost forgotten about Tim and by the looks of it Sasha had too. Her eyes were wide as she scrambled to find her phone.

“There’s no signal in here. We just have to hope he heard the noise.” Jon sat on the cot. They could feel that their wound had healed under the bandages, but weren’t keen on letting the others know. It was oppressively quiet until Martin saw Tim. Him and Sasha started calling to him through the sound proofed walls, but it was pointless. Tim saw the tape recorder that had been abandoned on the ground and he bent down to grab it. Behind him, Prentiss finally emerged. 

“Oh, screw this.” Jon stood up and grabbed their gun. They pushed out into the main room of the Archives where Tim stood, blissfully unaware of the flesh hive behind him. 

“Hey, Boss! Is that a-“ he was cut off by the shot firing past his head and directly into Prentiss’. It didn’t take her down, but it clearly was enough to make her stumble back and give Jon enough time to pull Tim into the file room with the others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost to the end of the first season and the gangs all together because Jon knows not to split the party.   
> If you’d like to speak to me my tumblr is @my-shitty-taz-fanblog


	9. Elias, In The Archives, With The Revolver.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon gets eaten by worms and suspects their co-workers of murder.

Most people would find it weird that this was actually the third time the Jon had been eaten alive by worms. The first had been on a planet inhabited by giant worms that tunneled below the surface. They had spent a week cutting their way out of the beast with their pocket knife and it was an experience that they tried not to think back on too often. 

The second time had been as a form of execution. The galaxy they were in had very interesting religious beliefs that they had managed to disrespect, though they still don’t know what they said that got everyone so angry. As punishment, they were offered as a sacrifice to what the people believed to be the physical manifestation of their God. 

And now there was Prentiss. They could feel themself dying as they reached out to Tim who was lying on the floor beside them. The two of them were covered in the silver mass and the only thing that Jon could think was how scary this must be for him. Their consciousness started to fade as they heard alarms and the sound of tens of thousands of things without mouths screaming as one. When they came to that were laying on a long table and being looked over and examined by at least six people in hazmat suits.

They kept them in that tent for what felt like days, but what was really only an hour or so. At some point they saw Sasha and Martin walk by and they breathed a sigh of relief. At some point they had gotten separated from them and Tim, but as soon as Jon made it out of the quarantine they confirmed that they had been together and that they were both okay.

Once they were back at their apartment they re-listened to the statements that their boss and assistants had given. They replayed what Martin and Sasha had said over and over again.

“Three shots to the chest.” The tape whirred back and repeated itself. “Three shots to the chest... Three shots to the chest.” 

Jon laughed at it. It was a maddened cackle that left their throat sore and their lungs aching. “Three Shots To The Chest.” It was so horribly mundane. Someone, likely someone that they knew, had shot Gertrude Robinson. It was hilarious.

At first, they didn’t even bother considering Martin. Then, they considered that that might be the point. Then, they decided that Martin had nothing to gain from killing Gertrude. He was so clearly under qualified for his job as assistant, so he never would’ve stood a chance of getting the Head Archivist position. Martin had only ever spoken to her once as far as Jon knew and, if one bad conversation was enough to justify murder in his eyes, then they would’ve been long dead. Martin was clearly not the type to kill for the fun of it. Sure, he was very clearly in an incredibly unstable place mentally, but it was in a more “cry into a pillow at 4am” type of instability than a “kill some random old lady” type.

Tim was a slightly better suspect, but there were still some clear issues. While he did have the qualifications to take over for Gertrude, he had never been in the running and he had made it clear that he preferred it that way. Once, when asked, Tim had stated that he couldn’t so much as picture Jon’s predecessor, so he clearly harbored no ill will towards her. One of the first things that Jon had noticed about Tim, back when they were in research together, was that he had what Marius would’ve call “a shadow behind his eyes.” It was obvious that there was more to the flirty jock, but that shadow was indicative of a deep sadness than a hidden madness, so no random killing sprees from him either.

Now Sasha was the obvious answer. She, being Gertrude’s named successor, had the most to gain from the death of the last archivist. In fact, shortly after being promoted, Jon had jokingly asked her if she was planning for them to have any sort of “accident.” She had laughed along, but never actually said no which had left them a bit on edge for the first few weeks of working with her. It had been nearly eight months now and if she was gonna kill them and make a power grab, she probably would’ve done so by now. Plus, Sasha had spoken to Gertrude more than pretty much anyone else to the entire Institute and she had actually been quiet fond of her. A case could be made for some form of extreme Cute Aggression (something that had been the death of several octokittens as well as, once when they were rather heavily intoxicated, Brian), but it seemed unlikely.

There were very few other people at the Institute that Jon actually knew. Amara in HR had been hired a week before Gertrude’s death and hadn’t even heard of the woman before she disappeared. Nick from research was an absolute idiot and definitely would’ve live tweeted the murder if he was the one who did it. Shauna, the night guard, always went despondent at the first sign of blood, so the gallon of the stuff left on the late archivist’s desk was enough to rule her out. Jon actually knew that Rosie did own a gun and they did believe her to be capable of murder, but she had said multiple times that if she was going to kill anyone, it would be Elias. 

It was around five in the morning when they came to the conclusion that Elias Bouchard had killed Gertrude Robinson. This conclusion didn’t shock them in the slightest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to talk more about the worm attack, but then I decided that this was a better idea because it’s 5 am and I can’t be bothered to write an entire chapter of Tim and Jyf tunnel bonding. Yes Sasha lived and everything is okay. Yes Jyf thought Jordan Kennedy was hot.  
> If you’d like you can speak to me on tumblr @my-shitty-taz-fanblog


	10. Tunnels and Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasha finally asks Why Jon has a gun.

Jon walked into work after a month of paid leave with a smile on their face and pep in their step. Martin was already there with four steaming cups of tea in front of him. He looked more well rested than Jon could ever remember seeing him. He handed them their mug with a calm smile that made Jon think that things might just be okay. 

When Tim walked into the Archives he looked like absolute shit. He limped slightly and there wasn’t a part of his body that wasn’t covered in either clothes or scars. He clearly hadn’t spent the last week getting rest of the dark bags beneath his eyes were anything to go by. He accepted the tea like it was a gift god and as soon as he reached his desk he slumped down into his chair.

If Martin was cheerful and bright and Tim was dreadful and dark, then Sasha was just normal, which, in Jon’s opinion, was a rather lovely thing to be. She smiled sweetly when she was handed her tea and she sat down on the edge of her desk, making small talk with her fellow assistants. As so as she saw Jon she finally asked.

“Jon.” She said, gesturing for them to come closer to her and the boys. They complied, figuring that it was best to get this out of the way quickly. 

“Yes, Sasha?”

“Why do you have a gun?” She asked the question slowly and left them plenty of room to answer. They weighed their options carefully. They knew that they weren’t going to tell the whole truth, that was out of the question, but they didn’t want to lie either.

“For the worms.” they said. This was clearly not the answer that she was looking for. Tim was the next to ask something.

“And why were you so good with said gun? No offense, but you definitely don’t present yourself as the type of person who’d be able to headshot a flesh hive.” 

“I’ve just had lots of practice, I guess.” Martin literally raised his hand to go next. “Yes, Martin?”

“Why have you had a lot of practice?” He sounded a bit less accusatory and more concerned, which was nice.

“Because of...” They honestly hadn’t thought this far. “Circumstances.” Everyone laughed at the flustered answer.

“Would you care to elaborate on that?” Sasha asked

“No, I don’t think that would.” Jon smiled at their assistants and they all nervously smiled back. There was a long pause that Sasha broke.

“Please?” They all laughed at this. 

“I found myself in a series of situations where the ability to shoot a gun became very useful. It was a long time ago and I’d rather not get into it.” That was all true and they really didn’t want to have to tell their assistants much more than that.

The group once again found themselves in silence. Jon rocked back and forth on the balls of their feet. If they were going to have these awkward conversations then it was probably best it get it all out in one go.

“Gertrude was shot.” They said, quietly this time. They didn’t want to joke around and distract from the subject, this was serious. “She wasn’t eaten by worms or kidnapped by ghosts or anything like that. Someone, probably someone who works here and who we all know, shot her three times in the chest.”

Their assistants were all quiet too. Jon decided to say what they were all thinking. 

“I’m the one with the gun in my desk and I’m the one who got her job when she died. I know that I’m the most obvious suspect, but I need you all to believe me when I say that I didn’t kill her. In the same right, I trust that none of you did. It would be very easy for none of us to trust each other and for us all to become paranoid, jumpy messes, but if there really is a murderer at the Institute, it’s probably best for us to all stick together.” 

Their assistants nodded in what seemed to be agreement. Slowly they started to move back to work. The work day dragged on and Jon found that they spent a rather remarkable amount of time staring at the walls and doing absolutely nothing. At the end of the day their assistants had all gone home which left them alone in the archives. Briefly they considered returning down to the tunnels, but whatever was down there had been pretty clear when it told them to leave.

Instead they recorded their own statement. They let the word fall out of them and into the tape recorder. It was slightly cathartic to talk about their explorations. The tape clicked off and they placed it in one the messy boxes that filled the shelves. 

The walk home was quite. The weather was starting to cool and a breeze rushed past them as they walked. They opened to door into their flat and dropped their coat, shoes, and bag off by the entrance. They let themself collapse onto their shitty sofa that they had gotten second had nearly 15 years ago. They stared at the ceiling and thought more about Gertrudes tapes. They hadn’t personally been able to see them, but Martin and Sasha both confirmed that there had been hundreds. 

Maybe they would be able to bribe an officer into letting them listen. They might have to recruit Tim for help with that, he was much more of a people person. Sasha would probably be helpful with that too, she was remarkably good at digging up the secrets of people who might be willing to trade information for silence. Of course, people just trusted Martin, they told him anything he needed to know, it was a skill that Jon both envied and had fallen prey to more than once.

Jon let themself smile. They had a good team. Things might just be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s nice that Not!Sasha’s not here so Jyf’s not as paranoid as they were in canon. They can properly appreciate how great their assistants are.  
> If you’d like to talk to me you can find me on tumblr @my-shitty-taz-fanblog


	11. Section 31 And Date Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon meets PC Basira Hussain and they could swear that they’ve heard the name Daisy Tonner before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not important to the chapter but here’s a sentence that got cut because it didn’t fit: “In the main room of the Archives, Martin and Sasha were trying (and failing) to hold back laughter while Amara from HR was once again explaining to Tim that asking people if they “wanted to see his holes” and then showing them his many worm holes was not work place appropriate.”

Jon was actually intimately familiar with Section 31. They didn’t let the constable know this, of course, but sectioned officers had attempted to arrest and/or kill them and the other Mechanisms several times before. They usually preferred sectioned officers to the normal ones since they seemed to care a lot less about their jobs than the normal ones. Not Basira though, she clearly had a passion for her job and a trust for the justice system that reminded Jon of themself when they were young. It was almost enough to make them pity her.

PC Hussain was hiding it pretty well, but it was kind of obvious that she thought that they killed Gertrude. She agreed shockingly easily to letting them listen to the tapes from the crime scene, probably trying to see how they would react, waiting them to slip up. They did their best to act like someone being investigated for murder for the first time, but they were painfully aware of how suspicious they seemed.

One thing stuck out about her statement. It wasn’t the arson or the clear involvement of a Leitner, but rather a name. Alice “Daisy” Tonner. Jon knew that name from somewhere, but they couldn’t place it. They looked into statements that they had recorded in the past to see if she had been mentioned in any of them, but they didn’t find her name in any statements or piece of research. 

Eventually their assistants barged into their office and insisted that they go home and get some rest. Everyone and their mothers knew that they had fallen right back into the habit of overworking, but with the entire staff of the archives on board with their theory that their boss was a murderer, they were much less keen on leaving Jon alone at night. They tried to argue that they wouldn’t be alone and the Shauna would be their to protect them, but even the night guard agreed that they needed to sleep. While the rainbow demon that lived in their brain made the need for rest unnecessary, Jon agree and walked home to their flat, kicked off their shoes, put on pajamas, and spent the entire night trying to figure out where they knew Detective Tonner from. Baby steps.

They ended up finding an old news article from 2010 where she was quoted. The article featured a picture of her in a full uniform and looking very official. It still took them a few minutes to place her, but they finally made the connection while they stared at the photo. 

“Oh...” They whispered into their dark apartment. “She killed me.”

——

It had been several thousands of years ago in the late 90s, but Lyf still remembered it like it was yesterday. The Aurora had touched down on Earth to pick up some supplies and Ashes had invited Lyf out on what they were relatively certain was a date. Calling them nervous would be the understatement of the millennium.

There was a general agreement of polyamory among the crew (excluding, of course, Nastya, who was only interested in Aurora) that Lyf had been somewhat aware of even when they only knew the three that had been imprisoned on Midgard. It took some getting used to, but at this point it was just normal. While they had been involved with pretty much everyone on the ship in one way or another (again, except for Nastya), they had never been on a proper date with any of them. They had barely even talked to anyone since the Moon Beast Incident a few weeks prior.

They found themself ranting to Aurora and Nastya in the engine room for almost an hour about everything that could wrong before they started to get ready. “Getting ready” involved trying on at least 500 different outfits, braiding and rebranding their hair a million different ways, and trying to perfect their makeup for what felt like a decade. They just barely felt presentable when their was a knock on their door. They jumped at the noise and took a few deep breaths to calm themself.

“You can come in!” They called and the door slid open. There stood Ashes O’Reilly, Quartermaster of the Starship Aurora and bassist of the Mechanisms, in all of their glory. Lyf nearly fainted. They didn’t faint, but they did feel immediately inadequate. Ashes wore a black button up that was done up just enough to be socially acceptable, but still undone enough to be incredibly distracting. Their shirt was tucked into a pair of pants with red and black vertical stripes that fit them Very well and a studded belt. They were wearing red, platform combat boots that made them tower over Lyf even more than they already did and a matching leather jacket with spikes on the shoulders. Their makeup was immaculate and their hair was just mess enough to look perfect.   
Altogether, the sight left the poor ex-inspector forgetting how to breath. 

Ashes leaned against the door frame and looked at them like they were trying to take them all in. A small smile played on the edge of their lips as they let out a laugh and finally broke the silence.

“So, how is the most beautiful enby in the entirety of the multiverse?” Their voice was soft and smooth and made Lyf think they were gonna faint all over again. They took a deep breath and managed to gather themself enough to respond.

“I don’t know, how are you?” They asked back. They felt like their voice was shaking with their nerves, but it was enough to make Ashes smile and blush just a little.

“I don’t think I could get much better than this.” They told them before gently offering out their hand. “You ready to go?”

Lyf took their hand and let themself get lead off of the ship and to a small, almost empty coffee shop. The two of them ordered and waited quietly for their drinks before heading back out into the cool autumn afternoon. They found their way to a park where they sat in the shade of a tall tree. Lyf laid back with their head on Ashes thigh. They stared up at the quartermaster who was smiling out at the horizon. For awhile they sat in silence, then they talked about nothing, then the question that had been bugging Lyf for weeks finally came up.

“How did you feel the first time you died?” Their voice was just above a whisper as they sat up so they could look their partner in the eyes. Ashes’ soft smile faltered a little and they laced their fingers tightly around Lyf’s

“It was a long time ago, but it’s hard to forget. Believe me, I’ve tried.” They looked off into the distance and avoided Lyf’s eyes. “I was fucking pissed, but I was also scared as hell. I was trying desperately to hold on to life despite the fact that every part of me was screaming to let go. Then the Doc showed up and pulled me out and the rest is history.” 

“Yeah, well I don’t have any planets to burn down and anyone I could get revenge on is already long dead.” Lyf sighed and tilted their head back to look up at the sky. When they looked back at Ashes they were smiling maniacally and they had a look of fire in their eyes. “What are you planning?”

“Well I can’t get you revenge, but there’s a few old warehouses that are just begging to get burned down.” Lyf smiled and let themself get pulled along into committing their first major crime. When the cops arrived, they saw Ashes and Lyf walk out of the building, both burned to a crisp and entirely unfazed. The angry looking officer with the long hair that got called cuffed them and threw them into the back of her car. She drove them not to a police station, but to the middle of the woods. She shot them both in their chests and they took no time to inform her how rude she was being. Ashes slugged her across the face and they made a run for it. When they got back to the ship they were laughing like mad men. They laid back and let themselves bleed out in each other’s arms. It was a very good date.

——

So... that would complicate things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter dedicated to that one person who commented about Jyf committing arson. But really 80% of this is me talking about the fact that I’m in love with Ashes O’Reilly.  
> If you also love ashes come hang out with me @my-shitty-taz-fanblog on tumblr.


	12. All The Sad Stories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon thinks about the Toy Soldier and a woman comes and makes a statement.

Jon remembered the first time they met each of the Mech, in specific detail. They met Marius, Ivy, and Raphaella all at the same time and one of the first things the prisoners did was make fun of all the other officers and refuse to speak to anyone, but them. They first met Nastya after pulling her out of the void of space and on to their small ship where the two of them traveled together for quite some time. Both Tim and Jonny held them at gun point during their first meetings before deciding that they were trustworthy. Brian had apologized profusely for Tim and Jonny’s actions. Ashes invited them to play a card game that they were clearly making up as they went, but even if they weren’t, they were definitely cheating. None of those meetings were very strange (not when compared to the rest of their time with them, at least), but their first meeting with the Toy Soldier had always struck them as odd.

————

Raphaella was dragging them... somewhere. She had grabbed them from where they were reading in what the others called the living room and told them it was “Tea Time.” Lyf had been living on the Aurora for several weeks now and no one had ever mentioned any sort of tea time. They were scared of what this would be.

They reached a door that slid open to reveal a small room with a circular table in the center. On the table there was a steaming tea pot, two small dishes with milk and sugar, and a tray with several different types of biscuits. And there, sitting with a mug in its hands, was the Toy Soldier. It looked up as the door slid open and stood up to greet them.

“Hello TS, we’ve come for the tea party.” Raphaella’s voice remained neutral as she pushed them slightly forward and started to document their reaction in a small notebook. The face of the Soldier was painted on and its expression couldn’t change, but everything about it lit up the moment it looked a Lyf. It moved quickly towards them and wrapped its arms around their shoulders. They expected a hug from a creature made of wood to be uncomfortable, but it fit perfectly around them and moved like it had done this a hundred times before. Before it pulled away, it pressed its face into the side of theirs and gave them the best approximation of a kiss on the cheek that a thing with no lips could give. 

“Jon, old chum, it’s a pleasure to see you again.” Lyf spared a glance at Raphaella who looked just as confused as they felt.

“No, TS,” she told it “this is Lyf, not Jon. Where did you even get that name?”

“Oh...” it deflated slightly, but its painted on smile couldn’t falter. “I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else.” 

The topic never came up again, but Lyf noticed the little things. The way that the Soldier seemed to know things about them that they had never told. The way it called them nicknames in old Norse, a language they grew up speaking and that none of the crew ever bothered to properly learn. It never touched their hair without asking, and when Lyf felt comfortable allowing it to, it knew the exact way that they liked their hair braided. It spoke to them like they were old friends, even at the tea party where they first met.

Lyf felt more comfortable then they had in weeks as they moved a biscuit from the plater onto the small plate in front of them. That was, until they noticed the small, white bits in it. They asked the Soldier if there were nuts in it, worried about their allergies, but they were assured that it was just teeth. Raphaella wrote down their horrified reaction while taking a long sip of tea.

——-

Shauna led the statement giver down the stairs and into the archives. The woman seemed rather uncomfortable, pressing her hands deep into the pockets of her blue dress. Jon helped her get set up in their office while they grabbed the proper forms that needed to be filled out and the tape recorder. When they came back to her, she was holding a mug of tea from Martin in her gloved hands.

“So, Ms. Law, are you ready to begin?” Jon asked her. She set down her mug and nodded. “Statement of Jessica Law regarding...” 

“A... thing that has be attending several of my shows.” She finished for them and her voice was achingly familiar.

“Statement taken direct from subject September 28th, 2016. Statement begins.”  
They finished the introduction and gestured for her to speak. She told them about a number of people who had been attending her performances who she was sure were all the same. They all had different faces and names, but what stuck out to her was the way that they spoke. They were all too grammatically correct in a way that just sounded off. They all complimented her voice, but she felt almost threatened when they did so. They told her they wished their voices were like it and she always felt like they might just take hers.In the end, she said that she had given up on trying to understand what they were and just accepted that she didn’t know. When she stopped trying to understand things got much worse. She stopped seeing the strange people at her shows, but something new happened. 

Jess took off her gloves and showed Jon her hands. They were made of wood, and it looked like it was starting to spread to her wrists. She said that she had tried everything, even cutting them off, but they always just grew back. She sighed and put her gloves back on.

“Statement ends.” Jon looked up as where Jess sat across from them. She looked like she was about to cry and they wanted nothing more than to comfort the person who would become the Soldier. Instead they open up a desk draw and pulled out a business card. “We will look into your statement and inform you of anything we find. Until then, feel free to call if you remember anything else.”

Shauna led her back upstairs and, just like that, she was gone. When Jon got home they started crying. Jess had looked so scared of the creeping wood that overtook her hands, but Jon knew that she wouldn’t be able to stop it. It would cover her entirely and she would become something else. Jon knew and they could do nothing, but sit back and watch. 

They looked up the EP she mentioned releasing earlier that year and fell asleep listening to it. In their dreams, they Watched as the singer faded away and the Toy Soldier took her place. Sad Stories indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The thing going to her shows was Nikola, trying to find a new voice. I highly recommend Jessica Laws independent work it’s very good. The hippogriff is stuck in my head and it’s making me crazy.  
> My tumblr is @my-shitty-taz-fanblog


	13. A Stab In The Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyf: What do you have?   
> Michael: A KNIFE!!!!

Michael stabbed Jon in the stomach when they asked for Helen Richardson back. He had been kind enough to avoid any major organs, so Jon didn’t particularly mind. Michael pulled the knife out and looked a little bit confused. Jon’s brain finally decided to remind them that most people would have a much bigger reaction to that sort of thing.

“Oh... Ow?” It had been to long to play off the pain as genuine, so they were really just acknowledging that they knew how they were supposed to react. Michael took a moment and then started laughing. The laugh was all wrong and it filled Jon’s mind with the sound of static. They felt incredibly uncomfortable, so they laughed too.

“You’re a strange one, Archivist.” He said to them.

“I’m well aware of that, thank you.” They leaned back on their desk, lack of blood starting to make them a bit woozy. “Well I suppose you can be off now, if that’s all.”

“What, no questions? Don’t you want to know what I am?” He leaned forward while he made his thinly veiled attempt at goading them on.

“Well, your real name obviously isn’t Michael.” The warped man looked like he was about to add on, but Jon just kept talking. “But there’s not really such a thing as a ‘real name,’ so that doesn’t really matter. Plus my ‘real name’ isn’t Jon, so I have no place to judge. I don’t care who or what you are. I’m a bit curious about why your here now or why you helped us before, but it’s best not to look a gift horse in the mouth, don’t you think?”

“Yes, a very strange one indeed.” Michael chuckled to himself before turning to walk back through the yellow door that didn’t belong where it was. He waved his too long and too sharp hand over his shoulder. “Goodbye, Archivist.”

The whole interaction left Jon with a horrible headache and nauseous feeling in their stomach. They had been rather grateful where Martin came into their office with a warm mug of tea. They stopped being grateful when their assistant started screaming at the blood that soaked through their shirt. So now Jon sat on Martin’s desk while all of their assistants asked them questions that they were far to tired to answer.

“Okay, I found the first aid kit.” Sasha placed the kit on the desk next to them. “Would you mind taking off your shirt.”

“Yes, I would mind.” Jon said. They took it off anyway, knowing that she was unlikely to take no for an answer.

“Are you sure we shouldn’t go to A&E?” Tim asked. He was sitting on his own desk and googling how to treat a stab wound.

“Yes, Tim, I’m perfectly fine.” They tried to wave him off, but only got very concerned looks.

“No, you are not.” Martin’s hands were shaking as he ran the cold washcloth over their abdomen to wipe away the blood. “You’ve been stabbed, Jon. You haven’t even told us what happened.”

“Oh, sorry, it slipped my mind. Michael, you remember Michael, from pulling a worm out of Sasha’s shoulder?” The others nodded and they all looked very worried. “Well, he stabbed me after I asked him not to trap a woman in and infinite hallway maze of madness.”

“We don’t have time to unpack all of that,” Sasha said after the long awkward silence “but we really should go to A&E. You probably need stitches.”

“No I don’t.” Jon looked Sasha dead in the eyes as Martin cleaned of the last of their blood and saw the lack of a stab wound. There wasn’t even a scar. The silence was thick as their assistants stared at the spot where should’ve been a hole. 

“See, I told you, I’m fine.” They took a long sip of tea and looked around at their confused and slightly afraid co-workers. “I do appreciate the concern though.”

“What are you?” Tim was the one to ask, but it was clear that they were all thinking it. His voice was slow and careful, like someone staring down a tiger that was about to pounce.

“I’m Jon.” They told him.

“We knew that already.” Martin said, but Tim and Sasha didn’t look quite as convinced. “But you lost a lot of blood from a stab wound that is no longer there. How are you okay?”

“Well, I could tell you, but I kinda doubt you’ll believe me.” That was true and it was a large part of the reason that they hadn’t told them already.

“Try us.” Sasha crossed her arms. She looked the most combative of the group, but she was clearly just as scared of the answer as the rest.

“I’m an alien.” 

“Fuck off.” She immediately cut them off. 

“I told you you wouldn’t believe me.” Jon shrugged and suddenly remembered that they were shirtless. “Hey, Martin, could I borrow your jumper?”

“Oh, right!” Martin quickly removed the light blue jumper and handed it to Jon who was just realizing how cold they were. It enveloped them entirely.

“Okay, that’s adorable, but can we get back on track. What are you actually?” Tim asked and Jon rolled their eyes.

“I’m an alien, I already said. I’m a maðr specifically, if that helps.” Jon knew that that’s not actually what he was asking. He wanted to know why they healed so quickly, but they didn’t particularly feel like explaining their immortality unless they had to.

“No offense, but you don’t really look like an alien.” Sasha was looking at them very critically.

“Yeah, maðr and human evolution was pretty similar, so I’m able to pass. There are a few things that are easy enough to cover up. The white at my roots is just my natural hair color, not premature greying, and I’m wearing colored contacts to cover my gold eyes.” At this Jon actually took out said contacts and hoped that their assistants wouldn’t look close enough to see the impossible, shifting colors beneath the gold. “There’s plenty of internal differences too. I’d prefer a denser atmosphere, but I’m not picky.”

“Sure, why the hell not? Our boss is an alien, great!” Tim was raising his voice higher than necessary, but that was reasonable given the situation. Both Sasha and Martin had found their way to the small couch on the opposite side of the room from where Jon sat on Martin’s desk. Sasha was still staring at them, but her gaze had turned less critical and more curious. Martin was looking off into the distance and Jon wasn’t sure he was really hearing anything going on anymore.

“So, do you guys have any questions?” Sasha raised her hand.

“What planet are you from?” That was a fair question, but a hard one to answer. The amount of time travel that the Mechanisms did made it so that they would tell the same stories to people in the 21st century and people in the 8th century. This meant that their albums would be retold so many times that the plot would be almost unrecognizable, but the names would stay the same. Jon bit the bullet and told them anyway.

“I grew up in the Yggdrasil system, on Midgard.” Martin broke out of his trance when they said it. He looked very shocked when he asked.

“Like From Thor!?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this whole thing while in the car and now I’m dizzy. The rest of the interaction in Jyf explaining that yes it’s like Thor, but they had the name first.  
> Come speak to me @my-shitty-taz-fanblog on Tumblr


	14. Shorts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A series of small scenes that don’t really fit anywhere else.

“I still don’t get why Norse mythology is based on your planet.” Sasha had been the most curious of the group about the relationship between the Yggdrasil system and Earth’s Mythos. This led to a lot of questions that Jon really didn’t want to answer.

“Look it’s a really long story that’s really hard to follow.” Admitting to their co-workers that they were an alien was one thing, but explaining the Mechanisms would be a whole other.

“What’s so hard to follow about it?” She asked.

“There’s time travel involved.” That shut her up. Sasha stared at them in stunned silence while they walked back to hide in their office. Sasha banged on the door and yelled at them.

“You can’t just say that and leave!”

———

When Jon walked down into the Archives, they were greeted glowing fairy lights and garlands that hung on every wall. It was nice, it made the cold, dark basement a little warmer. They didn’t get why Sasha and Martin were yelling at Tim for putting it all up.

“Timothy August Stoker it is November 26th!” Sasha was trying to speak over the loud, yet cheerful music that played out of Tim’s phone.

“Where’d you even get all this? They aren’t selling this stuff in stores yet.” Martin was laughing as Tim tried to climb onto an office chair and hang up some sort of berries on the door to the break room.

“Well, excuse me for trying to bring a little Christmas cheer to the Archives.” Tim crossed his arms and immediately lost balance. Martin ran over to catch him which ended with them both on the floor. They laughed it off and got up, but then Sasha pointed out that they were stood beneath the berries (Jon thought she called them missile two which is a weird name for berries, but it didn’t really matter). Tim stood up on his toes and kissed Martin’s cheek. Martin turned a very bright shade of red. 

“Alright, that was all adorably domestic, but I have a question.” Jon made their presence known to their assistants.

“What’s that, ET?” Jon rolled their eyes at the stupid nickname that Tim insisted on calling them.

“What’s Christmas?” Their assistants started laughing at them. They should’ve seen that coming.

———

Jon was labeling thing in artifact storage. Jon hated labeling things in artifact storage. It wasn’t just that they hated artifact storage, but also that it was a horribly boring task. They were zoning out when they heard the music. It was in 3/4 and reminded them of something they would hear at a circus. 

They turned the corner and saw Shauna, the security guard. Her headphones were blasting the music into her ears. Her steps were in threes, on beat with the melody. Her short, pink curls bounced as she moved around the room. She almost looked like she was dancing. She spun around and waltzed until she reached the table with the swirling, impossible pattern that those strange delivery men had brought in. When she looked at the table she seemed to be caught by it, like a fly in a spiders web.

“Good evening, Shauna.” They smiled and waved to her. She snapped out of whatever trance the table had trapped her and smiled brightly back.

“Good Evening, Jon.” Then she went back to staring at the table. How very... strange.

———

Jon liked to sing to themself when sorting through the stacks. It was almost involuntary, they would start humming and, before they knew it, they’d be singing the words to whatever songs struck their fancy. The stacks of statements were deep enough in the Archives that no one would hear them unless they started to scream.

Today it was Laid in Blood. The slow, tragic melody drifted out of them and through the Archives. They didn’t notice Sasha standing by the wall and watching them until the song was almost over. At that point they were too deep in to just stop singing, so they finished the song. 

“The End.” They spoke the last line and finally allowed themself to look at Sasha. She was leaning against the wall and smiling down at where Jon sat on the floor.

“Martin made tea.” She handed the warm mug over and Jon took a long sip. They were quiet for a while, before Sasha spoke again. “You have a great voice.”

“Thank you.” They felt their face get a bit warmer, must be the tea, they thought. “Part of my intergalactic travels involved me being in a band for quite some time. Mostly I played the cello, but I did sing sometimes too.”

“In the song you said something about Snow White, is that another case like your planet becoming part of Norse mythology?” Sasha’s questions had let up since the first few days, but she was clearly still curious about why the stories spread so far.

“Yes, it is.” Sasha seemed content enough to take just that as an answer, but they decided to continue anyway. “And Sasha?”

“Mmhm?”

“Always remember that Cinderella said Gay Rights.”

———

“Alright, it’s the weekend, let’s get drunk.” Tim stood from his desk and stretched his arms above his head. “Who’s in, Martini, Sash, Alf?”

“Alf was an alien?” Martin asked as he slipped on his coat.

“What? Yeah, Alf stands for alien life form.” Tim looked slightly offended that he was the only one who seemed to know this.

“I always thought he was just a fucked up talking pig.” Sasha added from where she was reapplying lip gloss in a small contact mirror.

“Well, you’re all uncultured swines, but that’s beyond the point. Are we going out for drinks or not?” Martin and Sasha nodded and agreed to go with them, but Jon held back.

“I feel like I should tell you guys that because of my physiology, it’s pretty hard for me to get get drunk. I’m used to stronger stuff, so alcohol on Earth is basically just water that tastes bad to me.” Their assistants looked at them in shock.

“Wait, so that’s why you always order water?” Tim asked.

“Yep.” 

“Okay, new plan, try desperately to get Jon drunk.” Tim had a determined look in his eye that told Jon that their protests were pointless. Still, after several hours, Jon was barely even tipsy and their assistants seemed very disappointed.

“Okay, I might know one thing that might work.” Tim seemed to gain a little hope at this, so they all left the bar and went to Sasha’s flat. There, the others watched Jon in horror as they literally laced whiskey with gasoline. The smell was awful and the taste was even worse, but at the end of it all they were, in fact, stinking drunk. They woke up on Sasha’s floor in a cuddle pile the next day, not quite sure what decisions led them there. Tim seemed happy enough when they were all to hungover to move, so it was worth the sore back and headache.

———

Jon loved the song Hereward the Wake. Listening to Gunpowder Tim’s voice as he sang had been a great comfort in many lonely nights after the death of the Mechanisms. They had spent a lot of time alone in their flat dancing around and singing along. But more recently, whenever they listened to music, they would skip their favorite song.

On this particular day, Jon had not been paying much attention to the music that played through their earbuds. The song had reached its second verse and the chorus was about to begin. That’s when they heard it and realized why they had been skipping the song.

“But he loved his servant, Martin, so they left her far behind.” 

Oh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can’t believe that Jyf has crushes on all of their assistants, poly icon. Alf conversation based on when I found out that Alf was an alien.  
> Talk to me on tumblr @my-shitty-taz-fanblog


	15. Tapes and Tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They listen to tapes and drink tea. That’s it.

Jon was laying back on the couch in the main room to of the Archives. Each of their assistants sat at their desks and all four of them were listening to the second of Gertrude’s tapes. The first one had very little bearing on the old Archivist’s murder (Tim had seemed interested in it, but hadn’t felt like sharing why), but this one made it clear that there was more to Miss. Robinson than it seemed. 

“That’s... a lot.” Martin was the first to speak after the tape clicked off. He leaned back in his chair and stretched his arms above his head before pushing away from his desk and towards the break room. “I’m gonna make tea.”

There was silence as the others went over their notes and waited for his return. A few minutes later, Martin came back with four mugs on a tray. He set the mugs down on each desk as well as the coffee table where Jon sat. They each had their own, personalized mugs as a consequence of Tim being allowed inside of a Color Me Mine. Sasha’s had the simplest design, an all white mug that read “:~# apt-get install tea.” Martin’s was pastel yellow with had several drawings of tea bags and it said in swoopy letters “I make tea because arson is frowned upon.” Tim’s own mug was blue and read “World Best Assistant,” which they others had spent a lot of time complaining about. Jon’s had originally been made in the shape of Spider-Man’s head, but Tim painted the whole thing green and filled the eyes with black to look like a cartoon alien. Everyone found this hilarious. The silence passed as Sasha looked up from her computer to address the group. 

“Okay I think I found something.” Everyone looked up from their own notes and waited for her to continue. “Six months after this statement was taken there was an explosion near Pompey’s Pillar. It killed 17 people and destroyed several buildings. Officially it was ruled as a gas mains explosion, but...”

“You think Gertrude blew the place up.” Tim finished for her.

“That’s crazy though, isn’t it?” Martin leaned back on his desk. “I mean, Gertrude was a sweet old lady. Sweet old ladies don’t blow stuff up.”

“Yeah, but sweet old ladies also don’t get shot three times and left in hidden tunnels.” Jon pointed out. “There was definitely more to her.”

“She definitely didn’t trust the Institute.” Tim was right there. She was being very secretive at the very least.

“Well I’m sure we can all sympathize with that.” Jon took a long sip from their alien mug and looked around at their assistants who seemed to all agree.

“That could be another point for the ‘Elias killed her’ catagory.” Sasha had been the most on board with Jon’s theory when they suggested it, but the others weren’t yet convinced.

“Someone not trusting you isn’t a reason for murder.” Martin said.

“You clearly haven’t met a lot of murderers.” A lack of trust could definitely be an excuse for murder, Jon had seen it plenty of times at least.

“No, I have not. It’s something I take great pride in.” Martin smiled slightly.

“Truly spoken like someone who’s never dated a serial killer.” In all their years, Jon had never seen someone do an actual, genuine spit take. Now they’d seen three.

“I’m sorry, what?” Martin sputtered.

“Hey. Hey Jon. Hey Jon, what the fuck?” Sasha was talking quickly and quietly. 

“Say psych right now!” Tim stood and leaned over his desk towards where Jon sat.

“Guys, obviously I’ve never dated a serial killer.” There was a sigh of relief. “I’ve dated eight serial killers.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A serial killer is someone who’s killed three or more people. so all of the mechanisms.  
> Speak to me on tumblr @my-shitty-taz-fanblog


	16. Sunshine To The Ground

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon gets a new tape and also they die a couple times but they’re fine.

Jon was dead. Death is boring. Maybe it’s more interesting if it’s really gonna stick, but gods it’s boring when you know you’re coming back. Maybe most people got nothing when they died, just a void, the absence of life. Maybe people got eternal bliss or damnation. Jon got Odin. She would stare at them as they were surrounded by the ever-shifting, impossible color and they would stare back. Her whole body would be stretched and warped and monstrous and theirs would be too. It was certainly disorienting the first few times, but now it was just mundane. 

They woke up again in the truck of a moving car. Their face was wet with their own blood from where it had poured out of the hole in their head. They ran their hand across the back of their skull and found that there was no exit wound. If they focused, they could feel the bullet still lodged in their brain. They dug it out, blood and bits of brain getting stuck under their nails. It was highly unpleasant, but still better than their body trying to heal around it.

The car stopped and Jon could hear heavy boots coming around the back. The trunk open and Detective Tonner look a little taken aback when she saw them alive and... well at the very least they were alive. 

“It’s really been I pleasure catching up, Detective, but I really ought to be-“ she shot them again. The next time they woke up was next to a hole that Daisy was digging to bury them in. 

“Going. I was gonna say ‘I ought to be going.’” Daisy’s dirt covered face popped out of Jon’s shallow grave and she reached for where she had left her gun on the ground. Unfortunately Jon had already grabbed it and was pointing it right back at her. 

“You aren’t human.” She spoke through clenched teeth and held her hands in the air.

“Oh no, what tipped you off?” They smiled at her and she made a small noise akin to a growl.

“What are you?” Her voice was quiet and sharp.

“That’s a loaded question.” They pushend some blood soaked hair out of their eyes and laughed a little at how ridiculous they must look.

“Are you gonna kill me?”

“I’m thinking.” They leaned back against one of the trees that surrounded them as Daisy pushed herself out of the grave. “You think I killed Gertrude?”

“We did.” She crossed her arms and kept her combative stance. “But we finally got IT to clean up the CCTV for the week she disappeared. No cameras in the archive, but we got plenty of footage of you. Watched your movements that whole week. You didn’t kill her.”

“I know I didn’t.”

“But I did kill you.” She stated the obvious.

“That you did.” Jon lowered the gun and sat down on the ground. They reached into their pocket and pulled out an already running tape recorder. They placed it in the grass as Daisy sat down across from them “Do you mind?”

“Knock yourself out.” A look in her eyes said she really did mind, but wasn’t gonna argue with the person with the gun. 

“So, can I have the tape now?” Jon really didn’t care about why he kept getting shot and just wanted to get back to work.

“I left it in the car.” Jon pushed themself off the ground and offered a hand to help Daisy up. She shoved the hand away and got up on her own.

“Lead the way.” Daisy gathered up her bag and shovel and they made their way out of the woods and back to the police car. The drive was long and ridden mostly in silence. Jon noticed the recorder that they had turned off had clicked back on and they took it as a sign to start talking.

“... If you don’t mind me asking, how long have you been sectioned?” They turned their gaze from the passing trees to the detective. Her knuckles were white from where she gripped the wheel.

“I do mind.” Her angry gaze stared out at the road. She quickly added “14 years.”

“I don’t suppose you’d like to make a statement?” They held up the recorder and placed it in the cup holder between them.

“‘Bout what?” She looked out of the corner of her eye at the spinning tape.

“Whatever you like. 14 years - you must have seen a number of paranormal things.” They were shocked when Daisy nodded and agreed to talk about her first Section 31. They were back at the institute by the time she was done. 

“Statement ends. Thank you. Um… are you quite all right?” Daisy looked over at them with rage and fear in her eyes.

“No. I never told that story to anyone except my old sergeant. I ought to shot you again.” She unlocked the door and gestured for them to get out.

“Fourth times the charm.” Jon smiled and opened the car door before remembering. “Oh, one more thing. Do you know anything about vampires?” 

“Yes.” Jon raised their eyebrows and nodded for her to continue. “A while back, there were some problems. Arrest irregularities around a few missing-person cases. Suspects being released without proper interrogation. Recordings of the interviews showed the subject wouldn’t say a word, but the officers doing the interview would let them go anyway. I don’t know the details of the investigation, but there’s a new operating procedure now.“

“Which would be?”

“Cases matching certain parameters have to be monitored by another officer outside the room by video. In the very specific circumstance where the suspect says nothing, but the interrogating officer acts as though they have, they’re immediately removed from the room. Then, they call me. I take them to the same spot I took you and burn them to ash. There’s never enough left to be a problem.”

“Good to know.” They picked up their tapes and got out of the car. Daisy rolled down her window to keep talking.

“Don’t tell Basira about any of this.” She said.

“I won’t if you don’t.” Jon waved and turned to walk into the Institute. Rosie called out as they walked past, but they didn’t stop walking until they collapsed on the couch in the Archives. The fell asleep to their assistants panicking and asking why they were covered in blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This week on Jyf gives their assistants a heart attack. I highly suggest listening to Actaea and Lyssa while thinking about Jon and daisy’s friendship. It makes me cry.  
> Come talk to me on tumblr @my-shitty-taz-fanblog


	17. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon wakes up in a bed that is not their own the morning after their conversation with Daisy.

It took Jon longer than they’d like to admit to realize that they were not in their own bed. The bed that they were in was much larger and much nicer than their own. Their head was laying among at least eight pillows and their body was covered with two blankets. One was quite possibly the softest thing that they had ever felt, the other weighed down on them like a hug. 

They were still covered in the blood of the night before. It was dried across their face and chest and into their hair and the fabric of their clothes was still slightly damp. Jon let out a sigh of relief as they pushed out of the comfortable bed and saw that none of their blood had stained the soft sheets. They set out on two tasks, first they would find out where they were, second they would take a shower.

They’re first task was very easy, they were in Tim’s bedroom. On the nightstand, they found a framed picture of Tim and a man who looked a lot like Tim. They weren’t sure why they were there or where Tim was, but those weren’t either of their tasks, so they didn’t have to worry about them. Now where was that shower.

The door out of the bedroom did not lead to a bathroom, but rather to a living room and kitchen nook. As they entered, they were spotted by Tim, who sat on his couch sipping a mug of coffee.

“Pancakes and coffee on the counter.” He said an, while Jon was not the biggest fan of coffee, in all their years they had never turned down a free plate of pancakes and they were not choosing them to start. They sat in a chair at the counter and silently ate their meal and drank their coffee. When they turned back to Tim, he was moving a pillow and blanket from the couch back to his room, so that explained where he’d slept the night before. He gestured for them to sit at the coffee table while he took their plate.

“So why exactly am I here?” They asked when Tim came back to sit next to them.

“You wouldn’t let us take you to the hospital and none of us know where you live, so I carried you back here.” He stretched out of his arms and his shoulder popped loudly.

“You could’ve just dropped me on the couch, y’know.” They rubbed their shoulder sympathetically. “You didn’t need to give me your bed and all.”

“Oh, I don’t wish that on anyone. This thing is practically made out of bricks.” To underscore his point, Tim knocked twice on the hard cushions that they sat on. 

“I’ve definitely slept in worse places.” On beds of nails, among piles of corpses on raging battlefields, and once while clinging to the uvula of a space whale. They had certainly gotten use to less than ideal sleeping conditions. 

“Even so...” They lapsed into silence as Tim pursed his lips and stared out the window. Jon was picking of some of the dried blood off of their hand when he looked back. “Are you gonna explain what happened last night? You just walked into the Archives and collapsed on the couch, we were all really worried.” 

“You don’t have to worry about me.” Jon felt guilty that such a minor inconvenience for them had been such a big deal for their friends. “This sort of think can’t kill me. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

“Even if you don’t die, whatever caused you to lose this much blood had to hurt.” He looked properly concerned, which Jon thought was pointless.

“Well obviously, but-“ Tim cut them off.

“But nothing!” Jon was shocked that he thought this was important enough to shout about. “I care about you, Jon, if you get hurt, then I want to know what happened.”

Jon had genuinely forgotten that other people cared about them. They’d spent this last decade on this planet avoiding making connections as much as possible. So many people they had loved about were dead and each loss had struck them hard. But then they met Tim, Sasha, and Martin, and they all refused to let them be alone. 

“It’s a long story.” Jon avoided Tim’s eyes. He placed a hand on theirs and they had to hold back tears.

“Let’s hear it.” So Jon told him. They left out details about their date with Ashes, but they told him about the warehouse fire and how Daisy had killed them all those years ago. How when she saw them again, she shot first and asked questions never. They told him not to worry about her and that they had come to an agreement of sorts that they wouldn’t be killing each other any time soon. 

“Wait, so she did kill you?” Tim asked once they caught up to the events that he had been there for.

“Well, yeah, twice actually,” They winced slightly at the look of horror on his face.  
“But I got better! Look, I’m not even dead!” They stuck their free arm out to show Tim that they were indeed not dead. It didn’t seem to help.

“I thought you said that this sort of thing couldn’t kill you!” He was shouting again which Jon had now gathered meant that he was worried about them.

“It only killed me a little and not permanently. I’m fine.” They tried to wave him off, but he squeezed their hand tightly in a why that seemed to also mean he was worried.

“What evolutionary trait makes your race basically immortal?” He furrowed his eyebrows, looking them up and down and take a long sip of his coffee.

“I’m not basically immortal, I’m just immortal.” They smiled as Tim held back a spit take. “And my immortality has nothing to do with being an alien. I’ve met plenty of human immortals.”

“Oh?” It was very rare for them to answer questions so Tim was clearly very excited.

“Well just two, but that’s more than most other races have.” Tim chuckled a little and waited for them to carry on. “Their names were Tim and Jonny, funnily enough.”

“You’re kidding.” Tim’s laughter rang through the flat. “Your immortal human friends had our same names?”

“Yep, neither of them have been born yet though, so we can say we had them first.” They smiled fondly thinking about how much they would hate that argument. “Well, part of why I use the name Jon is because of how much he’d hate it, but still.”

“Wait, is your name not Jon?” Tim asked and it was their turn to laugh.

“Of course not!” They giggled “How lame would it be if your one alien friend was named Jon? It’s such a shitty name!”

“Okay, then what’s your name?” He asked. Jon weighed their options and decided that there was no point in lying.

“Lyfrassir Edda.” Their smile was wider than they had expected when they finally said their own name. Tim’s smile was wider still.

“Lyfrassir Edda.” He said and he gently squeezed the hand that they had forgotten he was still holding.

“You can just call me Lyf.” They told him and he repeated it back. “Alright, I should wash off all this blood.” 

“Oh, right.” He got up and pointed at the door across from his bedroom. “Shower’s in there.”

“Thank you.” Lyf got up and looked at Tim for a moment longer. They steeled themself before their next question. “Hey, dried blood is a pain to wash out of hair, do you think you’d be willing to help me brush it out?”

“Of course, let me just get a couple of brushes.” Tim ran of to the bathroom, not knowing the significance of the question and leaving Lyf a blushing mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a cut conversion where Sasha and Martin texted to ask if Jyf was alright and they gave Tim approval to tell them about what happened with Daisy. They also gave Tim approval to add their name and what he learned about their immortality to a shared google doc called “Jon is a cryptid” full of the little information that they have about them that he’d been keeping since they were in research together. From here on out the assistants and narration will call them Lyf, but other characters will call them Jon and I’ll still call them Jyf because I think it’s funny.  
> Come talk to me on tumblr @my-shitty-taz-fanblog


	18. I’m In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasha breaks into Gertrude’s computer and the cheers everyone up with a movie

“Hey, Sasha, do you think you could help me with something?” Lyf slid out of their office and towards Sasha’s desk. 

“Yeah, what’s up?” She asked, looking up from her own laptop to see them placing a much older one in front of her.

“I was hoping you’d know how to get into this.” They turned on the dusty laptop and turned the enter password screen toward her. She immediately nodded and got to work.

“Easy enough.” She said. “Where’d you get it?”

“It was Gertrude’s. She hid it in the floorboards.” They moves around the desk to lean against the wall behind Sasha and watch what she was doing. When she noticed them watching, she started explaining what she was doing, but Lyf didn’t follow a word of it. Eventually she clicked one last button and the screen switched to a well organized desktop.

“There you have it.” Sasha leaned back towards them and made jazz hands at the laptop.

“Can you do the hacker voice?” They joked. She took a minute to understand what they were asking, but started laughing as soon as she got it. She reached down into her bag and received a pair of dark sunglasses. She put them on and hunched over the laptop with her hands resting on the keyboard. She looked back dramatically at Lyf as she lowered her voice and spoke seriously.

“I’m in.” She said before they both dissolved into laughter. They applauded her performance while she got up and mimed bowing for a large audience. She fell back into her chair just as they stole the one from Tim’s desk and sat down next to her. “Thank you, thank you. Now let’s invade a dead woman’s privacy!”

“Well I like the idea less now that you’ve phrased it like that, but sure.” So that’s what they did. They didn’t find anything along the lines of “My Murderer.avi,” but there was a number of budget spreadsheets that showed the institute funding several little adventures around the world. At some point Martin came back downstairs from his short trip to the library upstairs and Tim returned from an attempt to flirt information out of the staff at West Hackney Church. They joined in the snooping just as Lyf and Sasha started looking into Gertrude’s online purchases.

“Lot’s of filing supplies.” Tim pointed out the obvious.

“Yeah, but these are all for different systems. A lot of them contradict each other.“ Sasha said. Many of the filing taps and index markers that they had found throughout the stacks of statements seemed to have been ordered around the same time.

“So either she had the most complicated filing system in the world, or she was making this place a mess on purpose.” Martin looked cautiously around the mess of the Archives.

“I’d guess the latter.” Lyf added.

“Do you think she’d be mad at you for trying to get everything organized?” Tim asked.

“Probably, but don’t try to use that as an excuse to get out of work.” They said, getting right down to what he had been asking. Tim shrugged and went back to looking over Sasha’s shoulder at the screen. She continued to look through Gertrude’s history until she found something very concerning.

“Fuck.” She whispered. Everyone leaned over and saw what the late Archivist had bought. Leitners. Three of them. All under the name grbookworm1818, Lyf should’ve seen it from a mile away.

“None of you have found any of these around the Archives, right.” They looked at their assistants who seemed just worried as they felt.

“No.” Martin said. “And we probably would’ve heard if the police found them when they searched her apartment.”

“Well that’s just one more awful thing to worry about.” Tim slumped onto the floor and Sasha patted his shoulder.

“Hopefully she was just collecting them so she could destroy them.” She suggested, though it was clear that she didn’t believe it. The four of them fell into an uneasy silence until Sasha clapped her hands and drew attention back to herself. “That’s it! We are going to my flat after work and we are having a movie night!”

“Sash,” Tim sighed. “I’m not sure any of us are feeling up to that tonight.”

“Nonsense!” She declared. “I’m talking wine, I’m talking popcorn, and I’m talking forcing Lyf to watch Thor Ragnarok.”

This peaked the interest of both Tim and Martin, since the three of them had been talking about making Lyf watch this film for some time. They knew very little other than the fact that the title alone filled them with dread. Still, the excitement on their friends faces was enough to convince them that they would be able to push through.

Lyf let themself be dragged to Sasha’s flat and placed on the couch where Martin and Sasha pressed against them on either side. Tim sat in front of them on the floor and tilted his head back against their legs. Martin gave them a brief run down of important information to know about the previous movies in the series before the film began. 

Every so often, they would have Sasha pause so that they could ask questions or complain about inaccuracies. They didn’t understand why such a big deal was being made out of Thor’s hammer and they let the others know that in reality Thor, being such a high ranking member of the government, never would’ve been in combat. They winced at the Bifrost being used so casually and declared that Loki bring portrayed as a manipulative trickster was propaganda designed to make the resistance look bad.

When the Grandmaster was introduced, Tim had them pause so he could point out the similarities between him and Lyf. They were both immortal aliens with vague ties to Norse mythology. Lyf thought the character was much more similar to Ashes, but they kept that to themself. 

They had thought that watching this bastardization of the story of their people’s destruction would be harder, but it was actually a rather pleasant experience. As the credits rolled, Lyf took stock of those around them. Martin was still pressed to their side, but his head had found its place on their shoulder where he now seemed to be sleeping. Tim had laid all the way down at their feet with a throw pillow under his head, not yet asleep, but certainly looking ready to be. And Sasha had made her way to laying with her head in their lap, staring up at them with a soft smile on her lips. Lyf barely the fact that their hand was running through her hair.

“How’d you like the movie?” She asked.

“It was nice.” They told her.

“That’s nice.” She leaned up slightly and pressed a kiss into their cheek. Then she settled her head back down and closed her eyes, seemingly to sleep. Lyf thought that was a lovely idea and the let their eyes close as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little bit of Jyf bonding with the assistants. And more hair touching because they trust and care about them. Now the Martin bonding chapter and then back to the plot (I wonder what Shauna’s been up to).   
> Come talk to me on tumblr @my-shitty-taz-fanblog


	19. Poly Wants An Ice Cream Cone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Martin tries to make Lyf eat real food. He fails.

Since the Daisy incident, Lyf’s assistants had been getting more and more protective of them. Lyf found this very silly, but their willingness to face danger and die was apparently concerning to the mortals. Even though they had promised not to get to horribly injured if it would make the others so worried, they seemed unwilling to leave them alone. Now they would “accidentally” cross paths with Sasha when walking to work, Tim would stay at work until they left and walk with them until they reached his apartment, and Martin would casually come into the break room and eat lunch with them no matter the crazy hours that they would remember to eat. Today in particular they had forgotten to eat until almost four and Martin decided that he had to come to their office to make sure that would at some point.

“Hey, Lyf, I was wondering if you wanted to go down to that cafe around the corner and grab a little something to eat.” Martin spoke with the voice of a tired father trying to get his child to eat their vegetables.

“It’s getting pretty late.” They told him. “I was kinda just planning to skip lunch altogether today.”

“Lyf!” He exclaimed. “You can’t do that, you need to eat!”

“I’m an immortal alien, I really don’t.” They reminded him. Martin took a moment to respond, clearly not sure how to argue against that.

“But if you eat food then we could hang out together?” He didn’t seem to have much faith in his argument, but it was sweet enough that Lyf nodded and started gathering their things.

“I have to put these files in document storage, and then we can go.” They held up the files and began to move towards the hallway that led to document storage, but they were stopped by a hand on their shoulder.

“I wouldn’t if if were you.” They turned back towards Martin who had blush starting to creep onto his creeks.

“And why’s that?” They asked 

“Tim and Sasha are making out in there.” He blurted out before completely dissolving into a stuttering mess.

“Oh, good for them.” They tossed the files back to their desk and moved to exit the Archives. They and Martin walked to the cafe, but they stopped him and made a suggestion.

“You already ate at a reasonable time, right.” They asked. Martin nodded, still a bit too flustered to talk. “And I don’t need to eat proper food, so I think we should throw caution to the wind and just get ice cream.”

“It’s the middle of January.” Martin laughed, but he was already being dragged to an ice cream parlor down the street. Lyf ordered a cone with a scoop of blackberry chocolate chunk and Martin ordered a cup of peanut butter chocolate. It was far to cold outside, so they sat down at a small, round table against the wall. 

Lyf noticed the stack of board games in the corner and they grabbed a set of playing cards to start a game of kings in the corner. They explained the rules while they dealt and let Martin go first. They managed to get through three hands before Martin gave up on any chance of winning. They fell into silence while eating, but the same thing kept weighing on Lyf’s mind.

“I didn’t know that Tim and Sasha were in a relationship.” They felt slightly bad for letting themself be so physically affectionate with both of them now that they knew that they were together.

“Yeah, um... we all are actually.” He said “In a relationship, that is.”

“Oh?” They fought back a huge smile at that, but they were very excited that there may be hope for them yet. “I was under the impression that polyamory isn’t particularly common on earth.”

“It’s not, is it on Midgard?” Martin was always very interested in the difference in culture between their planets.

“It wasn’t really, but it is on a lot of other planets.” They explained. “I remember being so excited the first time I was on a planet where you could legally marry multiple people. Me and my partners had this big ceremony where we went through traditions from all of our worlds.”

“I don’t think you’ve mentioned your partners before.” He said.

“No, I haven’t.” They sighed. “Occupational hazard of being immortal, I suppose.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-“ he quickly started to backtrack, but they cut him off.

“I don’t mind, I’m the one who brought them up.” They reassured “Besides, they all lived much longer than anyone should have to. It might sound morbid, but I think death was almost like a gift for them.”

“Oh...” Martin didn’t seem particularly comforted by that idea so Lyf started scrambling for anything that would bring the mood up.

“Y’know, one of them actually also had a fake degree in psychology.” That definitely wasn’t the right thing to say if the look of panic that stared them down was anything to go by. Martin started to apologize and explain faster than Lyf was able to process. “Woah, woah, I’m not mad and I’m not gonna fire you or anything! You’ve gotten really good at your job and at this point you know way to much about me for you to be allowed to walk away! You have job security, Martin, you have so much job security.” 

“Really?” He asked.

“Yeah, of course.” They let out the breathe they’d been holding as soon they sat him do the same. “I don’t think I’d be physically capable of firing you even if I wanted to.”

“What do you mean?” He started gathering up the garbage on their table which they took as a sign that they would be headed back to the Institute.

“Tim mentioned a few days ago that he tried to quit, but he couldn’t get the words out. I think that whatever supernatural bullshit is going on, it’s keeping us all trapped in the Archives.” Lyf slipped on their coat and handed Martin his.

“Well, that’s horrifying.” Martin held the door open for them and they re-entered the cold. 

“I never should’ve stopped being a pirate.” They mumbled, thinking Martin couldn’t hear them. He could. 

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Nope, you’ve gotten enough backstory for today.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters today because I had school and I didn’t feel like paying attention in the zoom call. I want to talk a little more about Martin and Sasha’s relationship and specifically Sasha. The way I’m thinking of it in my mind is actually that Sasha is aro (it’s because I’m projecting) and Martin is gay and it’s less like they’re dating and more like they’re friends who cuddle and sometimes kiss. I’m strongly basing Sasha’s aromanticism and her relationships on my own.   
> Come talk to me on tumblr @my-shitty-taz-fanblog.


	20. The Sound of Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basira calls Lyf for advice and they take a more hands on approach than expected.

When Basira called Lyf for advice, she was expecting some sort of insight into the Rayner guy. Instead, they asked for her location. She went along with it, thinking that the location itself might be significant to whatever supernatural bullshit was going on, but immediately after she told them, they hung up. She was about to call them back when her mind started spinning. Her vision blurred and in the corners of her eyes she could bright colors shifting around in a strange dance. Then, just as suddenly as it started, it stopped. As the dizziness passed, she heard a voice behind her.

“Hello again, Basira.” It was Lyf. They brushed off the long skirt that they wore and straightened out their cardigan. It may have been a trick of the light or the last remnants of her dizzy spell, but Basira could’ve sworn that their veins were glowing in the colors of a rainbow.

“How did you do that.” She asked.

“There are some things that are best not worried about.” Lyf smiled at her and started walking towards where the other officers were preparing to enter the building. As soon as Daisy spotted them, she ran up and grabbed them by the collar.

“What the hell are you doing here.” She spoke through gritted teeth and looked angrily between them and Basira. 

“I was just about to ask the same thing.” Basira crossed her arms and moved to stand next to her partner.

“Basira called me for help.” Lyf explained. They smiled brightly at the detective who held them just slightly in the air. “I’m here to help.”

“I called for advice, Jon. You weren’t supposed to just show up, you don’t have the training to help with this.” Basira glared at them, but she placed a hand on Daisy’s shoulder to tell her to let them down.

“Trust me, I’m far more qualified to deal with this type of thing than you are.” They straightened their cardigan again and took a small step back from Daisy to avoid her grabbing them again.

“Even if that was true, which I highly doubt it is, we can’t just let a civilian go in there and risk you getting hurt.” Basira said. Lyf was about to defend themself, but shockingly, Daisy did it for them.

“They aren’t gonna get hurt.” She said. Basira looked like she was gonna say something, but Daisy was already turning and leading them towards the sergeant that was in charge. “We‘ll get you properly equipped and ready to go in. Anything we should know before that?”

“Maxwell Rayner works best in the dark, so we’re gonna want as much light as possible.” Lyf ran to catch up with her, leaving Basira in the dust.

The sergeant didn’t question who Lyf was or what they were doing there, he just told every officer to load up on torches and told Daisy to help them get prepped. The sergeant tried to pair them with one of the armed officers, but they managed to wave him off by picking up a gun and declaring that they would be fine on their own. Any number of the surrounding officers looked like they were going to question how this scrawny academic knew how to handle a firearm, but thought better of it. 

Before they knew it the order came down and they were going in. Lyf started wandering the building and noticed plenty of figures moving through the shadows. They decided to hold their fire unless they were attacked, but the sound of gunfire that echoed throughout the building told them that they were the only one with that plan.

Eventually they found a staircase that led down to a door. Lyf could see dark shadows leaking out from below it and they got the distinct feeling that the kid was in there. They weren’t surprised, the creepy shit was always in the basement. Behind them, they could here footsteps descending the staircase. They turned quickly only to see Basira and three other officers. They smiled brightly and waved. The officers stared at them, fear evident in their faces.

“Hi, all.” They said, not bothering to lower their voice. Whatever was down here already knew they were there.

“Jon, can you please take this seriously?” Basira glared at them.

“Just because I’m having fun, doesn’t mean I’m not taking it seriously.” They frowned and leaned against the door.

“How are you having fun right now?” Said one of the armed officers. Her hands were shaking around her gun which definitely couldn’t be good.

“It’s like a big game of hide and seek.” They explained. Now all the officers were looking at them like they were crazy, so they turned away from them and back towards the rusted iron door. “So the kid’s definitely in here, right. Weird dark basement that wasn’t on the schematics. Definitely going to have something spooky going on.”

No one responded, but they could see everyone preparing themselves out of the corner of their eye. They took out one of their own torches before opening the door. That was a good idea because as soon as the door swung open, every light in the building went out. They say that your other senses get stronger when you can’t see, but in that moment of complete darkness, there was nothing else. Then a thin line line of light came from behind them where Basira stood. She light reminded them to click on their own and the others followed suit.

Lyf took the lead exploring the dark of the basement. They tried to suppress the pep in their step as it only seemed to make the officers even more uncomfortable. Eventually they stumbled across a blind old man standing over a terrified young boy. A strange black liquid flowed out of the mans mouth and towards the kid. Both Lyf and one of the armed officers (one of the others called him Goodman) immediately open fire, Goodman hitting the old man (presumably Rayner) three times in the chest and Lyf hitting him twice in the head.

As soon as Rayner hit the ground, all the lights flashed on. It blinded Lyf for a second before they noticed another robed figure moving out of the shadows and towards the sectioned officer who was running towards the kid. As soon as they saw the glint of a knife in her hand, they fired and dropped her to the ground. 

“Cool!” Lyf declared. “All done, we win. How’s the kid?”

“I think he’s in shock.” Said the sectioned officer who Lyf was pretty sure was called Altman. Based on the looks on all the cops faces, they all were. After a few moments some other officers came down to the basement and helped all of the get back outside. 

Outside, Lyf leaned against a van and responded to the many frantic texts from their assistants asking where they had gone. As they slipped their phone back into their pocket, they saw Daisy approaching. 

“How’d it go for you?” She leaned back next to them and looked up at the dark sky.

“Got to shoot a couple of cultists, so that was fun. You?” They put out the cigarette that they had been smoking on their forearm and watched the burn heal rapidly. Daisy looked down and smiled at their absurdity.

“The same.” She said.

“Ey, murderer gang!” Lyf offered up their open palm and they were pleasantly surprised when she laughed and gave them a high five.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jyf and Daisy bonding over murder <3\. I consider doing a little scene with Callum because I love the concept of this evil 13 y/o but I decided against it. Also just the slightest bit of Bifrost powers, that’s always fun.  
> Come talk to me on tumblr @my-shitty-taz-fanblog


	21. Keep Your Guard Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Melanie makes her second statement and Lyf has an axe.

Melanie King had taken to working in the library since Lyf vouched for her. For the most part, she would avoid the Archives like the plague, but today she was marching down the staircase with a determined look on her face. Lyf waved at her, but she just crossed her arms and avoided their eyes.

“I need to make another statement.” She turned and walked into their office, leaving them to quickly gather the proper paper work and a tape recorder before following her.

“Let me just get this all set up.” They told her. She rolled her eyes and leaned back in the chair that sat across from their desk.

“Fine.” Lyf noted how tense she seemed. Her stare remained firmly on the wall behind them, like something awful would happen if she met their eyes. The recorder clicked on and she moved her gaze to the spinning tape.

“Alright. Say your piece, but please make it quick. I have more pressing business.” They and their assistants had been working through the last of the tapes that Basira had provided them with and they would needed to return to that soon. They couldn’t shake the feeling that something was closing in and those tapes seemed like the last hope of being prepared for what was coming.

Melanie made her Statement. None of it came as any sort of surprise, Lyf had seen this curiosity killed the cat shtick a hundred times before. They’d played the part of the cat themself plenty of times too. They liked Melanie and they would probably miss her for a bit after she was gone, but it still wasn’t anything new. What was far more interesting is what she said afterwards.

“Where’s Shauna, by the way? I wanted to say goodbye.” She asked.

“Oh, was she not just upstairs?” Lyf raised an eyebrow as they stood up to walk her to the door and properly see her off.

“No, there was some other guard up there. I actually haven’t seen Shauna in a while.” She said. They started to feel a sense of dread building.

“That’s weird, usually there’s just Shauna. I mean, she came down for a cup of tea a few minutes before you came down.” They frowned, already knowing where this would lead.

“You know who I mean. Muscular, long blue hair, loud headphones… She was here when I first came in. Back last April? We had a long conversation about haunted pubs.” Melanie’s description definitely didn’t match the Shauna that Lyf knew.

“And you’re absolutely certain that the short woman upstairs with the curly pink hair isn’t Shauna?” Melanie looked very angry at their question.

“Obviously not!” She yelled. “Are you trying to gaslight me or something?” 

“No, no...” They trailed of, trying to remind themself of the details of Amy Patel’s statement. “Um, to answer your earlier question, I’m relatively sure that Shauna is dead.”

“What!” There were four voices there. Their assistants had overheard the conversation and didn’t look very happy about the revelation.

“Oh, hey guys.” They smiled and waved at the group before leaving their position next to Melanie to start looking through the box of tapes. “One of these said ‘changeling,’ right?”

“Yeah, um, I think it’s on my desk.” Sasha said reaching behind her and picking up the old tape.

“Oh, thanks.” Lyf removed the tape that held Melanie’s new statement and popped in the imposter tape. The five of them listened to the sad story of the young woman who lost her mother in silence. After the whirring stopped Lyf was the first to speak.

“Would you say that that is accurate to your experience Melanie?” They asked. Melanie just nodded. “Alright, now we know what it is and that leaves only one question.”

“What’s that?” Tim asked. He was sitting down at his desk and staring at his own clenched fists.

“How do we kill it?” This earned a nervous laugh for those around them, but no one moved to offer any suggestions. “I mean, what do you think happens if I just go upstairs right now and shoot it. Do you think it would die or just get pissed?”

“I-I would guess the latter.” Martin stuttered into his mug.

“This is the same thing as in that statement where the lady was stalking her neighbor, right?” Sasha asked from where she was sitting cross-legged on the floor with her back against her desk.

“It seems like it.” Lyf said.

“Well that thing seemed like it was connected to the weird table in artifact storage. Maybe if we destroy the table the thing will be destroyed with it.” She suggested.

“That’s not a bad idea.” Melanie mumbled. “Anyone got an axe that we could use on a table?”

“Yeah, one sec.” Lyf nodded and reached behind a file cabinet, grabbing an axe they had hidden there.

“What The Hell?” Melanie stared at them dumbfounded.

“I’ve hidden plenty of weapons all around this place.” They explained.

“This is better than that time I found a machete up in the ceiling tiles.” Tim shrugged.

“Or the machine gun in the supply closet.” Sasha added.

“Or the C4 under the cot.” Martin closed. Melanie did not look any less confused, but she did choose to move on.

“So what?” She asked. “Now we just go upstairs and split the table in half?”

“No.” Lyf looked around at the people sat in the room. “You all go home. I can handle this on my own.” There were immediate protests surrounding them on all sides, but they stood their ground. “I don’t want any of you getting hurt.”

“I’m pretty sure none of us want you getting hurt either.” Melanie argued. Their assistant’s faces said the same thing.

“Don’t you have a flight to be packing for?” They grinned at her, trying to ignore the concerned looks they were receiving.

“Well, yeah, but this is-“ they cut her off

“This is manageable.” They told her. “Worse things have tried and failed to kill me. I need to know that you’ll all be safe, so please just get out of here.”

“Fine.” Melanie nodded and started to move towards the exit. Just before she stepped up the stairs she called back.  
“Just don’t be an idiot.”

“Call us when you’re done.” Martin moved from his desk and towards them, wrapping his arms around their shoulders in a warm hug. As he pulled back Sasha came up from behind him.

“And remember that just because you can’t die doesn’t mean we’re fine with you getting hurt.” She leaned over and pressed a kiss into their forehead. Tim came up and placed a hand on their shoulder.

“And make sure that thing fucking suffers.” Lyf smiled and brought their own hand to meet his, squeezing tightly.

“I’m sorry, guys, but Tim had the best exit line.” The others laughed and made their way out of the Institute one by one, leaving Lyf to do their work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued. Did I introduce Shauna just to kill her off? Yes. Did I feel awful every time someone commented saying they liked her? Yes.   
> Come talk to me on tumblr @my-shitty-taz-fanblog


	22. Some Good Violence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lyf breaks a table and refuses to get help.

Lyf was much stronger than they looked. To be fair, any amount of strength would be surprising from their gangly, stick like figure, so that wasn’t saying much. But they weren’t just kinda strong, they were Strong. This had been the case for much of their life, which led to many childhood bullies learning the hard way to avoid them. At the police academy, they would hear the others whispering that they wouldn’t last an hour, only for them to endure much longer than anyone who thought they would fail. The only one of the Mechanisms to get close to overpowering them was the Toy Soldier and that was more like an unstoppable force meeting an immovable object. 

This is all to say that Lyf could swing a fucking axe. It came down with incredible force, tearing deep gashes through the wood and breaking apart the impossible pattern that swirled towards the center. When the table was left in two large pieces with small chunks and splinters scattered all around the floor, they let their axe fall to their side and admired their work. They let out a long breath and smiled, this type of destruction was a very good way to release some pent up energy. Then there was a horrible laugh from behind them.

“That was very stupid” Lyf spun around to see Michael. He stood in his door which had found itself on the wall behind them. 

“What’s up, Michael?” They smiled at the all-wrong man, placing their weight on the axe as though it were a cane.

“There’s no other way out of this room, you know.” He gestured around the small room with his too long hands. Lyf raised their eyebrow and smiled.

“Well that’s just patently untrue, but I want you to walk me through your logic.” Michael laughed at them like he knew something that they didn’t.

“You don’t have time to escape before they get here.” He put a hand over his mouth as if to cover the sharp smile that stretched over what passed as its face.

“You mean the ‘Not Shauna,’ right?” They asked. Michael performed an action that one might interpret as nodding. “Then I’ve accomplished my goal.”

“I’m sorry?” Michael faltered.

“Well I figured destroying the table wouldn’t kill it,” They kicked a broken chinch of wood towards the yellow door. “I really just wanted to provoke it into attacking it first. Didn’t want to tell the others, they would’ve worried.”

“So you destroyed the only thing holding it back?” Michael giggled at the audacity of their actions.

“That’s what it was doing?” They glanced down at the shattered pattern and started to see it more like a spider’s web. “Oh well. I suppose without the table, this will actually be a fair fight.”

Michael looked like he wanted to add something more, but was cut off by the voice of the thing that was not Shauna calling out to Lyf.

“You need a door.” Michael’s words sounded serious, but Lyf just laughed at them like they were a joke.

“No, I really don’t.” They waved goodbye to Michael as the Not Shauna burst through the wall. Then everything became far too colorful. Space bent around them as the sound of static and flutes filled their ears. Then they were in the tunnels. They took random turns and descended the stairs when they found them, figuring that the more lost they were, the harder they would be to find. They were definitely lost. They had dropped their axe when they jumped, but they had managed to find a metal pipe to take its place. 

They spoke steadily into the tape recorder as they traveled through the maze of tunnels. The Not Shauna thing called out to them, told them they were friends, told them it would wear their skin, told them how much it hurt Shauna when it took her. They tried to ignore it, but they were nothing if not easily provoked.

“Shut up!” They yelled. They immediately say their mistake as sick laughter echoed all around them.

“There you are.” The voice grew closer to them. It mocked them for their hubris. How horribly ironic. It’s voice drowned out Lyf own laughter. They followed the voice to its source and smiled at the shocked look on its face.

“Found you.” They lifted the pipe and swung it down, leaving a rainbow arc in its trail. Lyf could feel the way that their limbs grew long and their eyes grew wide. Their manic laugh warped the world around them and it only grew louder with every swing. 

Eventually the walls of the tunnels closed around the thing that wasn’t Shauna and they let the Bifrost leave their body, though their veins and eyes still glowed. They stared at the new dead end and Knew that they were not the one that caused it to close. Just as they thought that, an old man with a horribly shitty beard stepped out of the shadows. 

“Well that is not how I expected that to go.” He said.

“Look man, I’ve already delt with a lot of bullshit today and I’m exhausted. I’m gonna need you to be as clear as possible, no cryptic nonsense.” Lyf sighed and leaned to the side of the cave.

“Of course, I understand.” The man nodded and tucked the book he held under his arm before holding out his hand. “I’m a friend of your predecessors.”

“Too cryptic, try again.” They slapped the hand away and stared the man down.

“Alright, I’m someone in need of help and someone who is willing to help you.” He smiled and tried to put out his hand again only to receive the same results.

“I swear to gods, I will beat your skull in with this pipe.” They growled at him. “Just tell me your name.”

“Very well. I am Jurgen Leitner.” He barely finished his sentence before Lyf punched him across the face and knocked him out cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Too cryptic” Jyf you hypocrite. We’ve got one more chapter to go and then we’re done with season two and holy shit this fic is longer than I expected it to be.  
> Come talk to me on tumblr @my-shitty-taz-fanblog


	23. Pipe Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lyf, voguing: I don’t recognize the authority of any eldritch being. The only thing I’m “serving” is looks.

Lyf dropped Leitner on the floor of the Archive and collapsed on the couch. They took out their phone and opened the group chat that Tim had made for all of them when they first started working together. They typed out a short message and sent it off.

‘Things not dead but not a problem anymore’ They typed. ‘Im also not dead’

There was an immediately reply from their assistants celebrating the defeat, so Lyf decided to ruin the mood.

‘Oh jurgen leitner is here too. he looks like shit.’ They smiled at the questions that started to fill the screen before hearing a groan of pain from the heap of a man on the floor. ‘One minute, he’s waking up.’

The Librarian started to sit up and rub the dark bruise that was forming around his eye. He cast a worried glance around the room before his gaze landed on Lyf.

“Well, that was uncalled for.” He mumbled. 

“I disagree.” They smiled and waved them over, pushing a new tape into the recorder. “Have a seat.”

“Is this really necessary, there isn’t much time.” He hobbled over and sat in a chair across from the couch.

“I’d like to get a full story.” They told him.

“Please! I don’t know how much time we have.” He fiddled with the hem of his dirt covered shirt and tapped his foot repeatedly on the ground.

“So you said.” Lyf placed the pipe on the table between them and stared the Librarians down.

“Is that necessary?” He quickly looked down at the pipe and back up at them. “You think I pose a danger to you?”

“No, I really, really don’t.” They laughed, reaching into their waistband and pulling out their plasma blaster. “But I want you to know that I pose one to you.”

“Oh,” Leitner tensed up in his seat. “Why didn’t you just use that against the changeling?”

“Pipe’s more fun.” They placed down their gun well within their reach and settled their hands in their lap.

“I see...” he looked them up and down, seeming to get more nervous by the second. “You certainly are not what I expected.”

“I could say the same of you.” They leaned back and let an intimidating air of confidence wash over them.

“I suppose not. My family emigrated when I was very young. English was always my first language. I used to adopt an accent sometimes when meeting people, a sort of personal joke, but truth be told, my Norwegian is terrible.” He explained “Now, are you going to help me or not?”

“You first. You want my help, you answer my questions. Agreed?” Leitner nodded

“Agreed.” He seemed to be trying to make himself less tense, but he kept quickly glancing over to the staircase. He began his statement and Lyf listened intently to his words. He explained how he used the books and how he had been hiding. They smiled when he mentioned Gerard, the goth boy who Lyf actually remembered speaking to a couple times back when the Mechs were touring with Grifter’s Bone.

Leitner explained how he had tried to collect his books in order to rein them in. The more he spoke, the more Lyf hated him.

“You were a fool.” They told him, venom and rage dripping off of each word. Leitner flinched, but nodded in agreement. They took in a deep breath before continuing their questions. “I’m assuming that Gertrude found these for you, but what about the other one she bought, the Key Of Solomon?”

“That one was a mistake. I thought that, in the tunnels, there might be the stability to examine it properly, learn something of the forces arrayed against us.” Lyf rolled their eyes, seeing where this would lead from a mile away. “But it went wrong. We had to destroy it. I should have known, really. It was one of the few volumes that contained elements of several different powers.”

“So, these powers,” They started. “What are they exactly?” Leitner began to explain what he called entities. He sounded absurdly pretentious with his similes of ant hills and spasming muscles. He was grasping at explanations for something that was not really all that difficult to understand. Lyf decided to keep their personal prospective outer beings to themself, especially since there were relatively certain that this was not connected to the Outer Gods. These “Entities” felt different, almost calmer in comparison.

“One last question.” They stood gestured for him to do the same. “Did Elias kill Gertrude?”

“Yes, I believe that he did.” Leitner nodded and slowly stood up. “You’re quite clever to figure it out so quickly on your own.”

“No, it’s just a classic villain move.” They explained. The Librarian had a look in his eye like he wanted to argue that it wasn’t so black and white, but they were entirely uninterested. “It’s that age old story. Boy meets girl, girl figures out that boy is serving an evil god of, I’m gonna guess, eyes, girl try’s to destroy boy’s whole business that serves the god, so boy shoots girl. How far of am I?”

“Shockingly accurate.” Leitner mumbled. “I suppose the next step for us is to get into Elias’ office and find Gertrude’s files.”

“Oh, no, no, no.” Lyf laughed at the confused old man. “There is no ‘us.’ I could not give less of a shit about all this. I appreciate everything you’ve told me, but I probably would’ve figured that all out within the week.”

“But-but your just as involved in this as I am.” He cried out from behind them. “You don’t realize it yet, but you’re also serving beholding.”

“I realize it.” They spun around and held up their hand to stop him from following them. “I just don’t care. This isn’t my first rodeo. Now I’m gonna go upstairs and have a cigarette and when I come back down here, I expect you to be gone. Back to the tunnels or breaking into Elias’ office, I don’t care, but I never want to hear your awful voice again.”

They left the Institute and sat down on the steps at the entrance. They stared up at the sky and saw nothing but a void. If there was one thing that Lyf hated about living in big cities, it was the light pollution. They missed the days when they could look out one of the Aurora’s portholes and see all the stars that surrounded them. It had been mesmerizing, but now it was gone. 

Smoke danced out of their lips and faded into the air until they deemed it long enough to return to the Archives and retrieve their things. They descended the step and they were greeted by the smell of fresh blood. What was left of Jurgen Leitner lay dead on the floor beside a bloody pipe. Lyf stepped over the body and picked up their gun, bag, and coat. The tape was gone from the recorder, but they didn’t need evidence to know who killed him. They pulled out their phone and texted their assistants that they shouldn’t go into work the next day, then they pulled up a number that they hadn’t called in a very long time.

“Hey Georgie, I was wondering if I could stay at yours for a few days.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two in a day because I have literally nothing better to do. Soon we talk about Mr. Spider with a twist I’ve been planing since the beginning.  
> Talk to me on tumblr @my-shitty-taz-fanblog


	24. Out of the Bag

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Georgie met the Admiral.

Lyf had never directly told Georgie that they were an alien, but she definitely knew. They lived together for nearly three years, so she picked up on their inhuman tendencies. She saw the way they’re hair grew in shades of bright white and the way that their naturally golden eyes shifted and changed color. At night, in the bed that they shared, she heard the way that they mumbled incantations in their sleep and how their veins glowed after they woke up from a nightmare. But even beyond that, it was pretty obvious from the first time she met the Admiral. 

—

“Alright, study buddy, your place or mine.” Georgie wrapped her arm around Jon’s shoulder and nearly made them drop their books. 

“Yours.” They answered firmly. Georgie rolled her eyes.

“Jonathan Sims, we have known each other for quite some time now, yes?” She asked 

“Yes we have, Georgina Barker.” Jon nodded.

“And we have study partners for all of that time as well as very good friends.” She continued.

“That is all accurate.” They confirmed.

“We are, in fact, now dating.” She lanced her fingers between theirs to emphasize her point.

“For several months now, yes.” Jon raised their joined hands and pressed a kiss into Georgie’s knuckles.

“And I, your girlfriend and study partner and best friend, have no goddamn clue where you live.” She raised her voice just enough for a few of the other people around them started to stare.

“I’ve explained this before, my cat doesn’t like people, I don’t want him to bite your hand of or anything.” Jon fiddled with the end of one of their braids. They always got nervous when talking about their flat and Georgie had very little information about why. She had originally worried that they were secretly homeless, but they confirmed that that wasn’t the case. She asked if they had shitty roommates only for them to tell her that they lived alone. She’d guessed everything from the flat having a weird smell to it having no air conditioning, but Jon always insisted that the only problem was their cat, the Admiral.

“Well, A is, I highly doubt that he could bite off my hand.” She laughed.

“He can be very determined.” They had a serious look that made her feel a bit less like they were joking.

“And B is, I’m kinda starting to doubt this cat even exists.” She smiled at her partner pretending to be offended. “I have never seen a picture of this so called ‘Admiral’ and as far as I can tell, I’m the only other person who knows he exists.”

“Okay, no, everyone knows about the Admiral.” They tried to defend.

“Everyone knows about him because I told them.” She pointed out. “You won’t even say what breed he is, it’s such a flimsy lie.”

“I don’t know what breed he is! He’s a cat, that’s all I need to know!” Jon crossed their arms defensively.

“I’m not gonna be mad that you lied.” Georgie faked a comforting tone. “I’m giving you an out right now. You can tell the truth.”

“I am telling the truth! I have a cat!” If people weren’t already staring, the definitely were now.

“Then take me to your flat so I can meet him.” She knew she had won when they dropped their arms in defeat.

“Fine,” They sighed. “But I’m not coming to your funeral when he eats you.”

So Jon led her to his flat. It wasn’t at all far from campus, a building that she passed nearly every day. The building was very nice and Georgie privately wondered how they could afford it.

“So why exactly is he named the Admiral?” She asked instead. They stepped out of the elevator and Jon gestured for her to follow them down the hall.

“I don’t really know.” They said. “I’m not the one who named him.”

“Oh,” They led her around a corner and to a door where they began to fiddle with their keys. “Where’d you get him?”

“I took him in after a friend of mine couldn’t take care of him anymore.” They turned the key and pushed the door inwards. They took of their shoes and started to make that ‘pspsps’ sound that people make when trying to summon cats. Georgie closed the door and soon enough she saw the Admiral crawling towards them.

If she could’ve been scared, she would’ve been. The creature that was moving towards them was not a cat. It had the head of a cat and the tail of a cat, but everything else was very, very wrong. Instead of the long body and four paws that a cat would have, this things neck connected down to eight, furry tentacles. This creature used its suction cups to climb up Jon’s leg and body and perch itself upon their shoulder where it had the gall to hiss at her. Instead of screaming like any normal person would, she held out her hand for him to sniff. After a few seconds the hissing was replaced by purring as he leaned his head into her hand and gave him many scritches.

A few months later, Georgie moved in and did her part to keep their strange, furry friend hidden from the neighbors. A few years after that, they broke up. Jon was moving to London for work and their new apartment didn’t allow pets, so the Admiral stayed with her. He definitely made it hard to have friends over and absolutely impossible to have roommates, but he was the most consistent thing in her life, so she would never complain. Once What the Ghost took off, she had to get very good at photoshop to fulfill the many many requests for cat pictures.

—

Now her ex was sat on her couch giving her octo-kitten an absolutely ludicrous amount of affection and telling him how much they missed him. They were also pointedly ignoring her every time she asked the question “what do you mean by wanted for murder?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Octo-kitten Admiral! Also I imagine that for one Halloween Georgie posted an unedited pic of the Admiral and said it was a spooky photoshop. Next time is Mr. Spider, I’m sorry :)  
> Come talk to me on tumblr @my-shitty-taz-fanblog


	25. 11.7 Seconds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh come on you read the chapter title you already know what’s gonna happen. Just read my angst and weep.

“Statement of Lyfrassir Edda, former inspector, former bosun, and former Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London, regarding a children’s book formerly possessed by Jurgen Leitner. Statement recorded by subject, February 18th, 2017. Statement begins.

I didn’t attend the final concert of the Mechanisms. I knew that they would be closing by telling the audience how each of them died and I didn’t want to know. Nastya was already gone by then, there was an explosion in the engine room that killed her and destroyed the Aurora’s AI. I didn’t quite expect to cry as much as I did, but after that, I just wanted to leave and not know anything that happened to them afterwards. 

They recorded the concert, of course, so I do have a copy of it. Something possessed me to listen to it earlier tonight and that’s what made me want to make this statement. It was very rare for them to censor what really happened, that much is obvious from how much violence and death can be found in the songs, so that’s why it threw me for such a loop when they claimed that Marius was eaten by octo-kittens. Now I’m the only living being in the universe that knows what happened to him.

The plan was nine days before we all went our separate ways. Each crew member would get a day where the rest of the crew had to do whatever activity they wanted. We went in the order that we joined the crew, so it was supposed to go Jonny, Ivy, Ashes, Brian, The Toy Soldier, Tim, Raphaella, Marius, then me. 

It happened on Ivy’s day. She decided she wanted to try and break her own record for most new books read in 24 hours. It was everyone else’s job to find as many books she hadn’t already read as possible and bring them to her so she wouldn’t be spending a second not reading. We developed a plan, go to second hand shops and pick up as many books as we could carry. Then, we brought them back to her archives and check them against a list of books from Earth that she had already read. We put the ones that weren’t on the list in stacks around her and the ones that were in a pile to be used as kindling on Ashes’ day.

Whenever she came across a children’s book, Ivy would read it out loud to the rest of us, so I was happy to see that I had picked one up. After I finished checking the rest of my books against the list, I decided to take a quick break to flip through the book. It’s appearance struck me as odd. Instead of the garish colours that I expected, the cover was monochrome, matt white with scratchy black webs covering its corners, and in the middle of the cover, half-written, half-carved in a childlike hand was the title: A Guest for Mr. Spider.

On the back cover there was no blurb, just a crudely sketched image of what I assumed to be the eponymous Mr. Spider. I’ve never been fond of spiders, we didn’t have them back on Midgard, but they were everywhere on the Aurora and they had been a significant bother. Even so, I was never afraid of them like I was of this one. A violence seemed to ooze from it, sticky and pungent. I had no idea what was inside, but I knew that I hated that book. And I knew that wasn’t going to stop me opening it.” 

Lyf felt themself describing the contents of the book in far more detail than they expected themself to remember. They had spent so much time trying to repress and forget the experience, but the words fell out of them with ease. They didn’t even think about what they were saying until they reached the part of the story where their reading was disturbed.

“It was at that moment that a metallic hand slapped the book out of my grip. I was off of the Aurora and in some sort of park. Had I taken the book there to read? Or did I somehow wander there while engrossed in it? To this day I don’t know, but I was in the park, and stood above me was Marius. The others told me later that they sent him to look for me after I had disappeared. 

He bent down and picked up what he had slapped out of my hands and examined the book. I was too dazed to protest, and he started asking why I had gone, why I had been reading the book, and if I was okay. But as he did so, he flicked through it, and as his eyes passed over more and more of the page, the words tailed off, and he seemed to be reading it himself. His hands shook ever so slightly as he slowly made his way through it, and his legs began to move. It was jerky and unsteady, and he didn’t seem to notice that he was doing it.

I didn’t know what was happening, not really, but I was desperate to stop him. I tried everything I could think of. I held him back, but he struggled free. I stood in his path, but he moved around me. I shot him, but he just kept walking. In the end, all I could do was follow as he walked down alleys and side streets. There were fewer and fewer people about, and I realised with a start that I had failed to notice nightfall. At the far end of a quiet residential road, he walked up to one of the houses. I never found it again. He was still reading. When he reached the entrance, he held up the book and placed it on the front door. I saw that cut-away panel of Mr. Spider’s stained and bloody right-hand door. And he knocked on it twice. I saw the words clearly in my mind almost more than I heard the sound: ‘KNOCK KNOCK’.

The door opened, and inside was dark. Against that darkness I could see the thin grey strands wrapped around Marius’ limbs. And then, from inside, stretched two impossibly long limbs, bony and covered in coarse, black hair. For a second, there was almost the start of a scream, but the legs wrapped around him too quickly, and he disappeared into the doorway and out of sight. It slammed behind him, and he was gone, in 11.7 seconds, taking the book with him.

The others found me sitting in an ally around the corner from the house, crying into my hands. I tried to pick the lock and get inside, but apparently someone saw me and called the cops, so I had to run. I explained what happened to the rest of the crew. We didn’t do the rest of the days. Ivy didn’t break her record.

Statement ends.” 

Lyf let out a sigh and flopped down on the couch. They hadn’t noticed when they started crying, but they weren’t surprised. Georgie came home a few minutes later and went to do her recording, leaving them alone with the Admiral and a mug of tea that was disappointingly not alien shaped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been thinking about this for so long. I’m sorry but also I’m not fuck you.  
> Come yell at me on tumblr @my-shitty-taz-fanblog


	26. Lying to the Police

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Georgie is a ride or die and Daisy is more of a dog person

Georgie opened the door to a tall woman wearing jeans and a leather jacket. Her long, dark hair fell down across her shoulder. As Georgie greeted her, she tried to decide whether she was angry or if that was just her resting face.

“I’m Detective Daisy Toner,” She flashed a police badge badge that had been clipped to her belt. “I’m looking for Jonathan Sims, I have reason to believe they’ve been staying here with you. May I come in?”

“Jon? I haven’t heard from them in years.” Georgie lied. There was a look in this cop’s eyes that she could quite place. Amusement maybe?

“Then you won’t mind me taking a look around.” She moved to enter, but Georgie blocked her way.

“Do you have a warrant?” She asked.

“I’m sorry?” The detective raised her eyebrows, definitely amused.

“A warrant, to search my flat. Have you got one?” Georgie crossed her arms, she wasn’t going to play into whatever this lady thought was so funny.

“No, I can get one, but ma’am you have to understand.” She looked almost like she was trying to hold back laughter. “Your friend is dangerous. The sooner we are able to apprehend them the better.”

“What have they even done?” Georgie frowned. She knew they were wanted, but that wasn’t gonna stop her from protecting them.

“Jonathan Sims is wanted for the murder of an unidentified man as well as suspected involvement in the disappearance of their co-worker, Shauna Thornton.” Georgie widened her eyes in fake surprise which actually made the cop smirk. “If you are hiding them or know where they are hiding, I suggest that you tell me.”

“Well, I already said, I haven’t heard from them in a while.” Georgie was just about to slam the door in this bitch’s face when Lyf came up behind her and placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Daisy’s just messing with you, she’s not here to arrest me. I called her.” They waved for Daisy to come in. She finally let a smile spread across her face as she was led inside and towards the guest room where Lyf was staying. Georgie followed after them. Jon took a seat at the desk next to the door while Georgie leaned against the wall. Daisy started to sit on the bed, but saw the Admiral among the pillows and thought better of it.

“Oh, don’t mind him.” Georgie waved her hand dismissively and tried to suppress a laugh at the clear fear on her face. “For the most part, if you don’t bother him, he won’t bother you.”

“We’re gonna talk about that later.” She still didn’t sit on the bed and seemed to be actively avoiding looking at the Admiral.

“Yeah, that’s fair.” Lyf reached back and grabbed a tape recorder off of the desk. It was already running. “Let’s get started, I’m sure you’ve both got questions.”

“I’ll go first.” Daisy said. “Did you kill him?”

“Nope.” Lyf shook their head and smiled. “Honestly, do you think the scene would’ve been that messy if it had been me? I thought you knew me better than that.”

“I didn’t think so, but you are the obvious suspect.” Daisy pushed forward, leaving Georgie to try and process what Lyf just said. “What about the girl?”

“She’s dead, has been for months now.” They didn’t seem at all shaken by the death of their co-worker. “I didn’t kill her either, if you were wondering. Took care of the thing that did, though.”

“Thing?” Georgie had trouble imagining what they could mean by that.

“Yes, it’s called a changeling or the Not Them. It kills people and takes their place.” Lyf explained

“That‘a too bad.” Daisy said, but she didn’t look like she really cared. “So who was the man.”

“That was Jurgen Leitner.” They said. Daisy raised an eyebrow.

“I thought that he was already dead.” She said.

“He wasn’t.” Lyf shrugged and took a sip from their definitely cold mug of tea.

“I’m sorry, who’s Jurgen Leitner?” Georgie was pretty sure the name had come up in research for What the Ghost a few times before, but couldn’t recall what his deal was.

“He was a dumbass with too much time and money on his hands.” Lyf told her. “World’s probably better off without him.”

“You sure you didn’t kill him?”Georgie only half joked, but it still got a chuckle out of her old friend.

“I’m actually pretty certain that it was Elias.” They responded.

“Elias your boss?” She asked.

“Yeah” They didn’t seem as concerned as they should by the idea that their boss killed someone. “Gertrude too.”

“I talked to him when I was questioning your co-workers and I wouldn’t put it past him.” Daisy grumbled.

They all went over a few more questions, Lyf asked after their assistants and Daisy informed them that they were fine, but worried. Georgie asked more about this Leitner character and privately agree that he was a dumbass (though she had always been taught not to speak ill of the dead). Daisy explained that she had full authority to make this entire case go away and that she would be doing so, which damaged the little faith that Georgie had in the justice system. Leaving Daisy with one last question.

“Okay, what’s the deal with the cat?” She glanced sideways and the Admiral who was grooming his tentacles in a way that was probably very disturbing to someone who hadn’t lived with him for the past decade.

“Jon’s never really explained it to me, but I have a couple of guesses.” Georgie moved to sit with him on the bed and scratched the area under his chin that he loved so much.

“Oh, I’d love to hear your theories.” Lyf smiled and pulled out the small box of stuff they brought with them when they started staying at her flat.

“Aliens?” Daisy stared at her like she was wearing a tin foil hat, but Lyf smiled and nodded for her to go on. “My assumption has always been that there was some sort of genetic experiment gone wrong and it made the octo-kittens. Jon’s always talked about them like there’s more than just the Admiral.”

“Yeah, pretty much got it in one.” Daisy looked like she’d been punched in the face and Lyf pulled out a stack of pictures and handed them one of a woman with a pair of metal wings (presumably a scientist based on the lab coat and goggles) holding one octo-kitten in her arms with two more on the table in front of her. Then a picture of a man with eyes that looked almost like camera lenses laying on the ground with at least eight of them sat on his chest. The last photo they showed them was an angry looking man who was surrounded on all sides by the purring hoard, screaming and pointing a gun at them. “Raph made them for giggles, but turned out that they reproduced way to fast. Sort of became an invasive species on the ship.”

“Cool, let’s back up.” Daisy looked down at the photos then back up at Lyf. “Aliens?”

“Yep.” They didn’t sound like they were gonna elaborate until Daisy started to growl at them. “I am one of those.”

“Called it!” Georgie pumped her fist in the air.

“Was I that obvious?” Lyf looked a bit concerned.

“No, I just lived with you for three years.” She shrugged.

“That’s fair.” They looked over at Daisy who had turned into a stuttering mess. “You good, bud?”

“Like an alien?” She asked. “Like from space.”

“Different planet and everything.” They patted her on the back. “I have 13 sets of ribs.”

“Sure, sure, sure.” She gently grabbed their arm and moved it away from her. “And you can’t be killed because...”

“Demons.” They finished, unhelpfully.

“Makes sense, to me.” Georgie lied. “Oh, I’ve been wondering, is your name really Jon? No offense, but I’m gonna lose my shit of my alien friend is just named Jon.”

“It’s not, it’s Lyfrassir.” They took out their phone and started texting someone. “I’m asking Tim to add you to his google doc of information about me. One of you can add the bit about the demons and the octo-kittens.” 

A few seconds later Georgie and Daisy were both added to the google doc as well as a group chat called “Friends with Lyf Support Group.” Lyf packed up their box and moved themself back into their own apartment. They felt a bit lonely that night with Georgie or the Admiral, but in the morning they woke up to several texts planning a game night the following weekend. They smiled and started to get ready for work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The one surrounded by octo-kittens was Jonny if anyone was wondering. Daisy and Jyf briefly consider adding Elias to murderer gang, but they both hate him so they don’t.  
> Come talk to me on tumblr @my-shitty-taz-fanblog


	27. It’s a a group chat fic now, but only for a second don’t worry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Melanie gets a new job and also friends

Technically speaking, Melanie was Shauna’s replacement. It wasn’t ideal, but job offers weren’t exactly rolling in at the moment, so she took what she could get. She was given an ID that read “Archival Security” under her name and picture and a set of keys to the building and the Archives. The other guards gave her an oversized, grey hoodie with the word Security written across the chest in blocky green letters.

Her post was officially the chair at the top of the stairs, but none of the assistants down in the basement were willing to let her sit up there alone, so instead she sat at the bottom facing out towards the common area. All of them apologized profusely for her employment, claiming that she wouldn’t be able to quit the apparently dangerous job. She didn’t really believe that bit, but it wouldn’t be the strangest thing that happened even within the week. 

Another aspect of her new job that wasn’t necessarily bad, but definitely wasn’t normal, was her co-workers’ extreme kindness and generosity. On her third day, Tim handed her a mug with a drawing of a padlock on the front and the word Guarded scribbled down the handle in the same font as the Ghost Hunt UK logo. On her fourth day, she mentioned wanting to dye her hair blue and ended up with Sasha doing it then and there and washing her hair out in the break room sick half an hour later. One her fifth day, Martin had not only already memorized her tea order, but he also knit her a blanket to sit on her lap in her chair by the door that was somehow the exact shade of blue that her hair had just been dyed. 

Not to mention the group chats. The first was called “Joey Magnet Thotz” (unsurprisingly named by Tim) and consisted of herself, the assistants, and Lyf. The second was called “Friends with Lyf Support Group” and had all the same people, but was for non-work purposes. She was also added to a google doc that was definitely the weirdest thing she’d ever read. It had several bullet points of information about their boss. Some of them were relatively tame like “they like blackberry chocolate chunk ice cream” and “they wear a size 8 shoe,” while other information was a bit more out there like “they once spent 5 months without sleep” and “has been to hell??? They won’t elaborate???? HELP!”

She hadn’t seen Lyf (since that’s apparently what they were called??? Since they were an alien???) since she told them not to be an idiot. They were “waiting out murder charges” if Sasha was to be believed. A Detective came and questioned her about their relationship and if she knew where they were hiding, but that was pretty much all she heard until late on Sunday when the same detective was added to the non-work group chat along side Georgie.

—

ET has added wtgeorgie to the chat

ET has added Crime Dog to the chat

ET: be polite and introduce yourselves

wtgeorgie: Im Georgie (she/her) Lyfs ex and only friend

Archive Bouncer: GEORGIE!?!

Crime Dog: I’m Daisy I’m the cop that is investigating Lyf for murder

Archive Bouncer: DETECTIVE TONNER!?!

ET: wait i havent been in the chat for a bit who is this 

Archive Bouncer: it’s Melanie and I have questions

ET: ha good luck with that

Stoke the flames: Im back why’d I just add the cop to our doc???

Crime Dog: oh yeah one second

“Jon is a cryptid” has been updated:   
-they can’t die because of demons???  
-they are the co-owner of an “octo-kitten” named The Admiral along w/ Georgie 

Either dye or die: co owner of a what now 

Archive Bouncer: THE ADMIRAL!?!

wtgeorgie: cat but like with tentacles

Quali-tea: HELP

Stoke the flames: im scared to ask for pics

Crime Dog: you should be scared :)

ET: no u shouldnt hes a baby :(

wtgeorgie: 1 sec

wtgeorgie: [image description: picture of the Admiral. He appears to be a chartreux cat with a few key differences. Most notably, instead of a body and legs, he has a set of eight, furry tentacles. He is using the suction cups on his tentacles to stick to a dark blue wall above a lamp. The light of the lamp is shining directly up and onto him, his eyes are closed and his face is very close to the inside of the lampshade. He seems content.]

Archive Bouncer: I’ve met the Admiral??? He didn’t have tentacles??????

wtgeorgie: oh that was just my cousin’s cat

wtgeorgie: he was out of town and I was watching her so I just lied and said it was Admiral so you wouldn’t ask questions 

Archive Bouncer: fair but what the hell

Either dye or die: can we get back to the cop 

Crime Dog: hello

Either dye or die: who is currently investigating Lyf for murder

Crime Dog: oh yeah im not doing that anymore 

Crime Dog: theyre innocent and theres no evidence against the real killer rn so the case has been dropped 

Crime Dog: plus what’s a little murder between friends

Quali-tea: Real Killer??? A LITTLE Murder??? Aren’t you an officer??? Aren’t you supposed to bring justice and what not?????

Crime Dog: yeah but thats hard and im bad at my job

Crime Dog: unless you want me to “arrest” (kidnap) and “bring justice to” (murder and bury in the woods) Elias Bouchard theres not much i can do

ET: all cops truly are bastards

Crime Dog: I do kinda racially profile vampires but also theyre vampires 

wtgeorgie: Vampires are real? Sick! Can I date one?

Stoke the flames: if you’re into getting your throat ripped out by hundreds of rows of razor sharp teeth yea

wtgeorgie: My kinda man <3

Quali-tea: This still doesn’t explain why the murder cop is here

Stoke the flames: wait fuck aren’t you also the one who shot Lyf in the head and tried to bury them in the woods?

wtgeorgie: WHAT HAPPENED

Crime Dog: I feel like I just explained my mo so ill let you guess

ET: yeh but them we became friends

ET: love you daisy <3

Crime Dog: I hate you so much you are under arrest <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s pretty much a week or so between leitners death and Daisy dropping the case. I feel like who’s who is pretty obvious but if you can’t tell  
> ET= Jyf  
> wtgeorgie= Georgie   
> Crime Dog= Daisy  
> Archive Bouncer= Melanie   
> Stoke the flames= Tim  
> Either dye or die= Sasha  
> Quali-tea= Martin 
> 
> Come talk to me on tumblr @my-shitty-taz-fanblog (also should I actually write the game night chapter or no I’m not sure)


	28. Fall Into the Flames

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Won’t you shake a poor sinner’s hand?

It was strange how quickly they and Daisy became friends. Personally, Lyf always had a certain respect for people who didn’t panic when they came back to life, but they couldn’t figure out why she would ever be willing to spend any more time with them than necessary. That didn’t stop her coming in and inviting them out to lunch at least once a week. They talked about everything from work to their shared inability to get drunk, but today she seemed to have a specific topic in mind.

“Have you heard from Basira?” She asked with a far off worried look in her eyes.

“Not since she left the force, why?” Basira had given her statement about what happened at that warehouse and then cut off all contact with them. They had been disappointed, she was fun.

“I just haven’t talked to her much since she quit,” Daisy sighed and threw what was left of her sandwich and bag of chips in the garbage. “I think she was really shaken by the way everything went down with that Brodie case, so I’ve been worried about her.” 

“Well, even if she was in a talking mood, I doubt she’d come to me. She was pretty freaked out by my involvement with everything.” Her whole Statement, Basira had eyed them suspiciously. If their actions that night weren’t enough to wave her off, the most recent of the Archive murders would be.

“It’s probably nothing.” She mumbled. “You should be getting back to work.”

“In my many years of experience, I’ve found that it’s almost never nothing.” They stood from the small park bench and started the walk back towards the Institute. “If you want my opinion, track her down. See what’s up, make sure she’s not getting into any trouble. Worst case scenario, she hates you guts and wants nothing to do with you ever again and I show you the old whiskey and gasoline trick.”

“How would I even track her down?” Daisy shoved her hands into her pockets and blew a strand of hair out of her face.

“How do you track down any of the monsters you kill?” Lyf wrapped their cardigan a bit tighter around themself.

“I don’t know, I just... find their scent and follow it to the source.” She always got a bit defensive when she talked about her hunting. Especially after Lyf told her what they knew about the Entities.

“So find her scent.” Daisy let out a huffy laugh and rolled her eyes. “C’mon, humor me.”

“And if I can’t find her?” She asked.

“I have a loyal team of assistants who could probably track her down in under an hour.” Daisy smacked them in arm. “And who I will not be wasting the time of if you can find her on your own.”

“What if it really is nothing?” She pushed her hair over her shoulder and let her posture sink.

“Then you ask her out.” Lyf barely contained laughter as Daisy froze and her whole face turned red. “What? You two would be cute together. Good cop, bad cop, but make it gay.”

“I’m gonna pretend that you didn’t say any of that.” She laughed as they reached the steps to the Institute. “Like I would ever take relationship advice who has crushes on three people who who are all taken, by each other.”

“Oh, fuck off.” They smiled and waved at Rosie as they passed and moved towards the stairs down into the Archives. Melanie was away from her post at the bottom of the steps, instead playing some sort of card game against Tim and Sasha while Martin watch from behind his laptop, seemingly the only one doing his job. “I’m glad that we’re all having a productive afternoon.”

“Shh!” Sasha held a finger to the mouth and squint at her cards. “I need to focus, you may speak after this hand.”

“You say that like you have any chance of beating me.” Tim spread his cards out in front of him. Lyf couldn’t see them from where they stood, but the way that Sasha and Melanie groaned told them that he won. 

“Alright, back to work everyone.” Daisy patted them on the back and left as everyone moved back to their desks.

“Boss,” Sasha waved them over and turned the screen of her laptop towards them. “I found Jude Perry.” 

“Thanks, Sash.” They grabbed a post-it note of her desk and wrote down the address from the screen. “I guess I should head out.”

“Right now?” Martin spun around in his chair to face them.

“Well, yeah.” They shrugged. “I’m not exactly gonna call ahead. Perry doesn’t really seem like the scheduling type.”

“Isn’t she dangerous?” Tim was pushing his deck of cards back into its box.

“Oh, yes, very much so.” They smiled and winked at him. “So am I.”

“Think she’s gonna kill you?” Melanie wrapped her blanket around her shoulders and looked a lot less concerned than a normal person should when asking that question.

“She’ll certainly want to.” They stretched their arms out above them, then dropped them to their sides. “I’m very annoying.”

The Archival staff went through all their usual motions of don’t be an idiot and we don’t like when you get hurt. They left the building at started their way towards the address that Sasha found. Jude wasn’t hard to find, she had quite the presence. As soon as Lyf came into her line of sight, she was glaring at them. 

“Hello, Ms. Perry.” They kept a happy, unintimidated smile while waving her over.

“Hello, Archivist.” She walked towards them and offered up a hand. They looked at it, then back at her. When it became clear that they had no interest in shaking her hand, she chuckled and shoved in back into the pocket of her leather jacket.

“Something funny, Ms. Perry?” They asked.

“Uh, yeah.” Her sharp laughter died down as she fixed Lyf with her burning gaze.

“Care to share?” They met her glare with their own unfazed smile.

“You would shake my hand.” She frowned, not seeming quite as offended as she was pretending to be.

“No, I’m afraid that I’m a fan of my fine motor skills and third degree burns over my dominant hand would take those away.” They explained their thinking calmly and Jude began to laugh at them again.

“You realize that your basically a lamb walking up to a butcher and say ‘oh I’d real rather not have my head chopped off,’ right?” She continued to laugh at them and the wave of heat that radiated off of her was almost enough to make them nauseous.

“A lovely metaphor, but it’s not what I came to talk about.” They felt unbearably warm, but refused to concede and remove their sweater.

“I suppose you have questions.” She frowned. “You type always do.”

“Yes, just a few.” they nodded. “Did you burn down a section of Gwydir Forest last year?”

“Not alone, but yes.” Her new smile was almost nostalgic. “You should have seen how devastated they were, such a loss.”

“I’m sure the Forestry Commission were mortified.” Lyf themself had never been a fan of destroying nature, but they could appreciate how fun it must’ve been to watch the forest burn. “Why?”

“Stop that!” She spoke through gritted teeth as static surrounded them both. “And it was because Nikola Orsinov asked us to. She was done with the place, and we’re always happy to help, when that help is destroying something someone loves.”

“But-“ Jude cut off their next thought.

“No more questions, Archivist.” She growled.

“Hmm, right.” They nodded and continued with their questions. “You were a friend of Agnes Montague, correct?”

“She is Not one of your little stories.” A defensive rage took over her face at the mention of Agnes.

“According to the statement of Jack Barnabas,” they continued, “she very much is.”

“The burnt-face little runt?” Another harsh laugh escaped her lips “He got what was coming to him. Just like…”

“Yes, yes, I understand, you could easily kill me, I’m at your mercy, blah, blah, blah.” Lyf rolled their eyes. “I’ve heard it all before. And from things much scarier than you.”

“That a fact?” She seemed to be growing more and more agitated by their lack of fear.

“Yes, it is.” They sighed. They had expected so much more from her and they found themself very disappointed. “I know that you could kill me. You could probably reach into my chest and hold my heart while it burns. But you aren’t going to, for whatever reason. Why is that.”

“Consider it a favor.” She forced a vicious smile.

“To whom?” They asked.

“Elias.” She said. “The rumour is he killed Gertrude Robinson. If so, I feel like I owe him. And he clearly wants you alive, so…”

“So you’ll leave me be for now?” They finished. 

“As long as you don’t try any of your compelling on me.” She said

“Fine, keep your damn secrets. This was a waste of my time.” The turned to leave before Jude called after them.

“Maybe I do want to tell you a story.” She called.

“About?” They sighed and turned back to her.

“I’m going to give you some advice.” She smiled.

“Fantastic.” She started her statement and told them all about how she came to serve her “God.” She told them how she served it and fed it through fear and destruction. She clearly thought that she was a lot more special than she was. They asked her for more leads and she mentioned Mike Crew. If Lyf had to choose one complaint about all this entity business, it would be that there were to many Michaels.

“What do you want?” Jude was no longer in the sharing mood and wanted something in return for Mike Crew’s location.

“Oh, nothing much.” She said, her smile full of malice. “Just shake my hand.”

Lyf laughed a little and took her hand In theirs. She began to all but cackle as the searing wax melted their skin, but she began to frown when she heard no scream. Lyf smiled and stared at her confusion. She stumbled back and glared at their lack of reaction.

“You have a strong grip, Ms. Perry.” They remarked. “Now about Mike Crew.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly felt like such an asshole when I wrote whom, I’m so sorry.
> 
> Come talk to me on tumblr @my-shitty-taz-fanblog


	29. Celli

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lyf thinks about an old friend.
> 
> (Japanese parts in italics)

A lot of things started to slip away after so many years. Lyf found that they no longer remembered the names of their co-workers, the faces of their cousin, the sound of their siblings laugh. There were nights where they wept because they couldn’t remember the lullaby that their mothers would sing to them or they couldn’t recall certain words in old Norse. Sometimes they wrote stuff down so that it would fade from their mind, they had whole notebooks full of Midgardian history and tradition. But for whatever reason there was one person who they never forgot. Their old cello tutor and their best friend, Scuzz Nishimura.

They started going to lesson with Scuzz partially because of Marius, though they wouldn’t admit it at the time. It was just that he looked so happy when he played those horribly annoying songs on his violin and it made Lyf nostalgic for when they played the cello when they were young. They decided to take up their instrument again and after a few months of struggling on their own, they saw an ad for lessons.

Scuzz was a strange woman. She didn’t dress like any Midgardian that they knew, instead wearing loose fitting clothes in all dark colors. She didn’t wear her hair in thecommon braids, but rather in a tight ponytail or bun at the top of her head. And she didn’t speak English or Old Norse, she understood them, but spoke a language that she called “Japanese” that Lyf had never heard. Despite all that, she was an incredibly talented cellist and an amazing teacher. After a few months of lessons, their relationship evolved into something less like teacher and student and more like siblings. They spent years together, playing together and growing closer, until they were each the closest friend that the other had. Scuzz was one of the people that Lyf spent the most time missing after the Bifrost Incident and they thought of her every time they played with the Mechanisms. That’s why this situation was so shocking.

——-

“Hey, Lyf, do we have translators here?” Melanie knocked on the door to their office and poked her head inside.

“I think so.” Lyf looked up from where they definitely weren’t playing games on their laptop and leaned back in their chair. “If not I can understand a lot of languages and I could try to use the Eye for the ones I don’t know. Why?”

“There’s a statement giver here, but she doesn’t speak English.” She glanced out of the room, presumably at the statement giver. “I think she’s speaking Japanese.”

“Oh, I’ll be able to talk to her, send her in.” Melanie nodded and waved the statement giver over. Lyf went about collecting a tape recorder and the proper forms that needed to be filled out. The woman that entered their office was tall and wore her long black hair in a high, tight ponytail. Her clothing was all black and if she wanted to she could probably blend into the shadows. A pair of sunglasses sat on top of her head and a scarf was draped around her neck, by all means she could easily hide her face and be completely unseen. She gave the impression of a ninja trying to hide amongst 21st century London. A look of shock passed across her face as she locked eyes with Lyf. They imagine the look on their face was very similar.

Scuzz Nishimura, Lyfrassir’s cello tutor and lifelong friend, stood in front of them in there office, thousands of lightyears away from where they met on Midgard, several millennia after she should’ve been killed by the Bifrost.

“How are you alive?” They asked. They looked her up and down and tried to decide if this was a dream or a hallucination.

_“ I could ask you the same.” _ A soft laugh escaped her lips as Lyf walked around their desk and wrapped her in a tight hug.

“You two know each other?” Melanie asked as they separated. Lyf had entirely forgotten that she was there and jumped a little at her voice, which made Scuzz laugh at them. They had forgotten how much they missed her laugh.

“Yeah, actually. This is Scuzz, she’s an old friend of mine.” They draped their arm over her shoulder turned back to their old tutor. “And she still hasn’t answered my question.”

_“ You first.” _ She smiled and flicked them in the temple the way she always used to when they tried to show off in her lessons.

“The Bifrost lives in my brain rent free, your turn.” They mirrored her action the way they always used to when she started dodging questions about her past, something that they understood a lot better now.

_“ A crazy doctor stole my bones and made me join her band.” _ She joked, but there was a clear sadness hidden behind her face.

“Carmilla?” The others didn’t like to speak about their creator, she was barely anything more than a name mumbled in the midst of their partners’ nightmares to them, but Scuzz’s phrasing was enough for Lyf to make the connection.

“ _You met her?_ ”  A mix of concern and fear was hidden neatly behind her neutral expression.

“Not personally, I just know her through reputation.” They had silently promise themself that if they ever did meet her that they would kill her on sight, but they were lucky enough that it never happened. “So, you’re a Mechanism.” 

“ _You’ve heard of us?_ ” A sly smile spread out on her face

“If by ‘heard of’ you mean traveled and played with for thousands of years, then yeah.” Lyf held up quote hand and Melanie slipped away without much notice, realizing there was a lot of catching up to be done.

“ _I’m sorry, you’re saying they replaced me.”_ Scuzz put her hand to her chest and feigned offense. _“_ _ I was gone 7000 years, tops, and they just find a fancy new cellist.”_

“ I’m pissed that they didn’t tell me about you.” They had been told that there was another cellist before them and that she was gone, but never told who it was. “My best friend, who I thought was dead, is not only alive, but immortal. That’s information I would’ve liked to have.”

“ _Too late to change anything now, best to live and let go._ ”  Scuzz sighed and dropped into the chair in front of their desk. _“_ _ I have a statement to make.”_

“I suppose you do.” Lyf fell back into their own chair and noted the way the tape was already running. “Statement of Scuzz Nishimura regarding,”

“ _The fact I’m not dead.”_ She frowned and took on a more serious attitude.

“Statement taken direct from subject. Audio recording by Lyfrassir Edda, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London. Statement begins.”

Scuzz spoke about her past, something that Lyf knew she hated doing. She told them about growing up in Japan and living a mostly normal life. She told them about dying, how it felt to have each of her bones shatter. She told them about a strange doctor who offered her eternity without ever saying a word. She told them how an angry first mate yelled at the doctor and how a too quiet engineer showed her to her room and how a forgetful archivist translated everything she said for the others. She told them about meeting the quarter master and the pilot and never managing to meet a rose red. She told them about the doctor getting pushed out an airlock and the engineer finding a wooden singer in a shop who somehow already knew all of their songs. She talked about slipping away from the ship unnoticed and hiding in the shadows of Midgard until she found a friend. She finished her story at the part where she met Lyf.

“Statement ends.” Lyf spoke into the recorder, still slightly entranced by the statement. “While most of this statement is not relevant to this archive, having very little involvement with the entities that we are currently working on researching, there are two pieces of information that are important to note. The first is about Doctor Carmilla. Whenever one of the Mechanisms described her as a vampire to me I imagined the type you hear about in stories, but the fact that she never actually spoke confirms that she was the same type of creature that Trevor Herbert spoke about in his statement. The second is about the Toy Soldier. The Soldier knew the songs before meeting the Mechanisms. I now know how it truly originated and since it is in the area it is safe to assume that it and I will encounter each other again and I will teach it these songs.”

“ _You done?”_ Scuzz picked at the end of her scarf nervously.

“Oh, yeah, I’m done.” Lyf reached over to the tape recorder and turned it off. “So, what are you doing now?”

“ _Not much,”_ she shrugged. “ _I really just came to London to make that statement, so I don’t even have a place here.”_

“ I’ve got room in my flat.” They suggested.

“ _That sounds nice.”_ Scuzz moved to the door and pulled it open. Outside of the office, Tim, Sasha, Melanie, and Martin were all straining their ears to hear what was being said. They pretended to be working when the Immortals exited the office, but Lyf Knew what was going on. Scuzz and Lyf looked to each other and started laughing.

“Hey, Tim?” They called over to the assistant being most obvious about his eavesdropping.

“Yeah, Boss?” He smiled, acting completely innocent.

“Would you help my friend here join the appropriate chats at google docs.” They asked. He added Scuzz to everything and she began quickly typing out any number of embarrassing facts that she had learned from years of friendship.

“I’m just gonna pop this all into google translate.” Sasha muttered, ignoring Lyf’s question of ‘shouldn’t you be working.’ She stared at her computer screen then back to Lyf.

“What does it say?” Martin asked, trying to lean over and see her screen.

“Lyf...” she whispered barely above a breath. “Did you used to be a cop?”

“Okay, everyone get back to work.” They called above the suddenly cacophony of shock around them. Scuzz laughed at the chaos from the corner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SCUZZ SCUZZ SCUZZ SCUZZ!!!! I love her. It’s really frustrating because if you look up scuzz nishimura you’ll find MY ART. I swear to god I will build the scuzz fandom from the ground up if I must 
> 
> Come talk to me on tumblr @my-shitty-taz-fanblog (especially if you wanna talk scuzz)


	30. It’s literally midnight I’m not thinking of a clever title

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lyf isn’t allowed to go anywhere alone, but they still manage to get in trouble.

Even if they couldn’t die, Lyf’s co-workers hated when they got themself hurt. They had each independently given them a lecture after they came back from questioning Jude Perry with their hand burnt and melted and they yelled at them the entire time they tried to explain that cutting it off would be the quickest and easiest was for them to heal from the scaring and nerve damage. This led to two new new rules in the Archives: The first was that everyone (but mostly Lyf) had to go at least a week between near death experiences, the second was that no one (but mostly Lyf) was allowed to go somewhere potentially deadly alone.

Lyf had been spending their entire week of mandatory safety arguing against the second rule. For any amount of concern that the others had for them, they easily had at least ten times that amount, so they weren’t exactly jumping at the chance to put their friends into the line of (sometimes literal) fire. They considered that Daisy could probably hold her own, but she was preoccupied with tracking down Basira, so they would have to wait until she got back.

Luckily, Scuzz offered a solution. They were still getting used to the fact that she was immortal, but she was the perfect person to drag along into their dangerous bullshit. Meaning, she and them were on their way to Mike Crew’s house in a car that was most likely stolen. From the passenger seat, Scuzz glanced into the mirror and turned down the radio.

_“Am I being paranoid or is that blue Ford following us?”_ She asked. 

“You’re not being paranoid.” Lyf shook their head and looked at the car in the rear view. Whoever it was, they weren’t doing a very good job of being inconspicuous. “I’ve been trying to lose them for a bit now.”

_ “Any clue who it is?”  _ She nodded towards a small side street and Lyf made a sharp turn down it.

“No,” They looked out the rear view again and saw that the car was still behind them. “The sun is reflecting on their window, I can’t make them out.”

Soon enough they were pulling into the driveway of Mike Crew. The blue car drove past them only to subtly (note: very obviously) turn around in a driveway a few houses down and park on the street in front of Mike’s house. Lyf pointedly ignored the car and focused on knocking on the door.

“Hi, can I help you?” A tall man with lightning scars sticking up and out of his shirt collar answered the door and flashed them a smile that did a poor job of hiding his immediately distrust. 

“You’re Mike Crew.” This was not a question.

“That’s right.” The man nodded and looked between them and Scuzz. “And you two are?”

“I’m Jonathan Sims and this is Jen Suzuki.” Lyf offered their fake names. “We’re here from the Magnus Institute and we were hoping to ask you a few questions.”

“The Institute, so you’re the new Archivist, huh?” Lyf nodded and he leaned against his door frame. “So, what, you’re here for my statement?”

“If you’re willing to give it.” Lyf tried to look as non-threatening as they could, despite the fact that they carried two guns and switchblade in their bag and Scuzz had at least 60 knives hidden on her person.

_ “And we’ll just take it if you’re aren’t in a sharing mood.”  _ Scuzz smiled andgave no indication of what she was actually saying. Mike raised an eyebrow, clearly not understanding her.

“She asked if we can come inside.” Lyf lied.

“Sure, why not?” Mike stood out of the way and gestured for them to enter. “How’d you find me anyway?”

“Jude Perry gave me your address.” Mike led them to sit at a small kitchen table while they explained. “It was an... interesting conversation.” 

“I can imagine.” Mike laughed. “Can I get you anything? Tea, coffee?”

“No, that’s alright.” Lyf shook their head only to get smacked in the arm by Scuzz.

_ “We’d love some tea.”  _ Lyf rolled their eyes while translating for her. Soon enough, the three of them sat around the table with three mugs of warm tea with, in Lyf’s opinion, too much sugar.

“So, what can I do for you?” Mike looked cautiously between his guests.

“Well, like I said, we’re from the Magnus Institute and we have a few statements that mention you.” Lyf set down their mug, but held tight to its warmth to defend against the draft that was coming from seemingly everywhere.

“All good things, I hope.” He grinned and the wind picked up slightly.

“Well, there were a couple of books mentioned, Ex Altiora and The Boneturner’s Tale.” Mike nodded in recognition of the titles. “I’m pretty sure you threw a guy off a skyscraper in Paris.”

“What’s your question, Archivist?” The wind picked up more as Mike got more agitated.

“Where did you get that scar?” Lyf felt static seep out of them as they asked. Mike sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I was hoping to keep this polite.” The wind reached a terminal velocity as Lyf and Scuzz suddenly felt themselves falling. The thing about falling is that most people find it terrifying, but, just like riding a roller coaster, after you’ve managed to survive doing it a few times, it can be quite fun. Mike Crew certainly wasn’t expecting them to both brake out into wide smiles when the sensation of vertigo settled into the pits of their stomachs.

Suddenly, Scuzz produced a knife out of one of her many hiding spots and threw it into Mike’s shoulder, pinning him to the wall. The falling feeling faded as soon as the blade hit him, giving Lyf plenty of time to pull out one of their guns and point it towards Crew.

“One more time.” They dropped non-threatening act in favor of intimidation. “Where did you get you’re scar.” 

Mike made the intelligent choice and gave his statement. Talking about twisted fractals that chased him (Lyf chuckled a little at the overlap of Michaels) and the infinite vertigo that embraced him. He had no recollection of the skyscraper in Paris, but neither Lyf, nor Scuzz blamed him for that.

_ “You can’t remember everyone that you kill.”  _ Scuzz shrugged and pulled her knife suddenly out of Mike’s shoulder, causing him to scream. At the scream, there was quick shuffling at the door. The lock clicked and their almost forgotten tail burst in. Ex-cop Basira Hussain pointed her gun towards Lyf, but focused on the injured man on the floor.

“What did you do to him?” She yelled.

“He started it!” Lyf smiled at the woman who likely no longer considered them a friend and played along by holding up their hands like they were actually scared of her.

“Stop having fun!” She glared at them. “I’m pointing a gun at you and you are smiling and joking.”

“Well, you definitely don’t want to see me upset.” They threatened half-heartedly. “Smiling seems like the best option for you.”

“What are you?” Her hands shook with fear and frustration.

“I used to be your friend.” They frowned. They glanced over at the pool of blood that stretched from where Mike was curling up on the floor. “I think he needs to go to the hospital.”

“You didn’t say what you did to him.” She lowered her gun and crouched beside him.

“Scuzz threw a knife into his shoulder.” Lyf put down their hands and leaned over her to look at Mike. Basira looked a bit confused at the mention of Scuzz, who had managed to blend into the shadows before she entered. She jumped a bit when she made herself known.

Basira carried Mike to the back seat of her car and the four of them drove to the hospital. Once it was clear that he was gonna be fine, she pulled her gun back out and forced them back into her car. Scuzz moved to pull out another knife, but Lyf stopped her, telling her in Norse to humor their captor. She drove them to a storage facility where she had a storage unit filled with newspaper clippings and police statement, all connected by bits of red string.

“This is great and all, but have you considered that you look like a crazy person?” Lyf asked, noting photos stuck to the wall that showed that she’s been following them and their assistants for several weeks.

“I’m not crazy.” She defended in a tone that didn’t help her case. “I’ve been connecting the dots and whatever is going on, the Institute is apart of it, you’re apart of it.”

_ “Well, yeah, that’s a given.”  _ Scuzz rolled her eyes and flicked a picture of herself with the word “Jen??????” written below it.

“I know that you’re apart of this Jon, you’re a part of whatever is making the world dangerous.” She punched the wall next to where they were examining her conspiracy board. “If the police won’t deal with you, I will.”

“Oh, shit.” Lyf laughed when they realized what was going on. “You want to kill me.”

“Whatever you are,” she sighed “You aren’t human. You’re a monster and it time for you to pay for what you’ve done.”

Lyf was about to argue against the gun pointed at their head when there was a sound from the entrance to the storage unit. Daisy stood in the entrance, her eyes

bloodshot from both the hunt and a lack of sleep.

“Basira!” She called, “Please, you don’t want to do this.”

“Why not?” She glared back at her partner. “You do this all the time, what’s one less monster.”

“Their not like that.” Daisy moved father into the unit and put her hand on Basira’s shoulder. “And, even if they were, this isn’t you. We’ve got enough killers already.”

“What, like them?” She furrowed her eyebrow. “They killed Robinson and that man.” 

“No, Basira,” Daisy shook her head. “Killers like me. If you do this, there’s no going back. You deserve better than that life.”

“But they-“ Basira’s grip on her gun loosed, but she remained on her target.

“They didn’t kill those people, that was Elias.” Daisy cut her off. “Please, Just let them go.” 

“How do I-“ Basira mumbled. “You’ve been hanging around them for weeks, how do I know that they aren’t using whatever weird powers they have to make you say this.”

_ “They could ask Elias.”  _ Scuzz pointed out from where she was being no help at all to her friend. Lyf translated for her.  _ “They’ve got that whole, mind control to tell the truth thing, they could ask Elias if he killed those people.” _

“Would that work?” Basira asked.

“I could try.” Lyf shrugged.

“Fine,” Basira finally let her gun fall to her side. “Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve decided to actually have an update schedule so the goal is every other weekend I’ll post this fic and in opposite weekends I’ll post my teacher Jon fic. Also scuzz’s fake name follows the tma rule of horror author last names by being named after the author of the Ring novels
> 
> Come talk to me on tumblr @my-shitty-taz-fanblog


	31. Like a Boss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Archive crew confront Elias.

The employees of the Archives gathered around the entrance to the Institute as soon as Lyf texted them. They told them to be ready to confront Elias, which they’d each interpreted differently. Sasha came equipped with the little evidence that they’d been able to gather of Elias’ crimes, Tim carried three of the many statements they’d come across about Elias being a creep, Martin had several pictures of Elias back before he was the head of the Institute in plenty of embarrassing moments, and Melanie had a knife. Rosie looked at them strangely when they started to loiter in the lobby, but said nothing. Soon enough, Lyf, Scuzz, Daisy, and Basira marched in, with Lyf leading the way to their boss’ office. They slammed the door open to reveal him closing what looked like a file containing a statement. Without looking up, he smile.

“Goodness, Jon,” he looked up and his eyes pierced into their soul. “Being a bit dramatic, don’t you think.” 

“Well, I love to make an entrance.” Lyf rolled their eyes and sat down in the chair across from the desk, leaving everyone else to stand in a semi-circle around the office.

“I see you’ve brought everyone with you, I suppose it’s time for the big reveal.” He folded his hands together and rested his chin on them. “I don’t think I’ve probably met some of your group. Officer Hussain, Ms. Suzuki.” Scuzz stuck her tongue out at him and Basira clenched her fists.

“Okay,” Daisy nudged them in the shoulder. “Let’s do this.”

“Jon, do you wanna get this on tape?” Lyf held back a laugh at Basira’s interest in evidence, as if the plan wasn’t to just kill Elias as soon as he admitted what he did.

“No need, Basira. I’ve already got one running.” Elias tapped his desk next to the recorder that was spinning. “Now, you have something to ask me?”

“Elias,” Lyf started, feeling static dancing on their tongue like a thousand little pin-pricks. “Did you kill Gertrude Robinson and Jurgen Leitner?”

“That’s quite nice actually. Tingly, but sort of freeing.” Elias let out a contented sigh that made everyone in the room uncomfortable. “You know, even Gertrude never properly tried to compel me. I always wondered –“

“Just answer the question.” Basira cut him off. 

“Fine, but it’s also very important to me, in a personal capacity, that you understand I’m answering you of my own free will.” Elias’ smile was creepy and annoying.

_ “We don’t care.”  _ Scuzz angrily stabbed one of her knives into the desk and Elias widened his eyes slightly in faux shock.

“I know, but I do.” He pulled out the knife and placed it back in her hand. “There’s so much of this place, of ourselves, twisted by forces far beyond us. I just wanted you to know that no action I have taken has been controlled. I have done everything because I wished to.”

“Get to the point.” Daisy growled.

“Of course, Detective.” Elias smiled. “So, for the avoidance of any doubt. I killed Gertrude Robinson because she intended to destroy the Archives. And I killed Jurgen Leitner because he was an unnecessary complication. Likely to tell John too much, too early.”

“Goddamn if you aren’t boring.” Lyf dragged their hand down their face and sighed. “I just keep wanting all of this to be more interesting and it’s not. It’s all so predictable.”

“Well, if you think that, then you are progressing much faster than expected. Isn’t it lovely?” Elias looked like the cat who ate the canary and Lyf wanted to laugh at his face. 

“No, I’m not.” They groaned. “You’re just not progressing fast enough. You’re supposed to be the type of villain who’s always two steps ahead, but instead, you’re six steps behind. What’s next, we can’t kill you because you’ve already called the cops? Or maybe it’s that we’re all connected to the Institute and we’ll die if you die?”

“I-um...” Elias trailed off right when his intercom buzzed and Rosie informed him that the police had arrived.

“Keep going!” Sasha laughed. “What’s he gonna do next?”

“I’d guess...” Lyf thought for a minute, noticing a piece of paper that was hidden under the statement that Elias had been reading. “Oh, he’s gonna try to get Basira to work here.” 

Elias fumbled and tried to hide the contract of employment. Scuzz ripped it out of his hand, looking it over, and passed it around for the rest of the group to laugh at. 

“Well if you’re so clever, I suppose you won’t have any difficulty preventing the Unknowing.” Elias glared at them. 

“Apocalypse thing, right? No problem.” Lyf smiled and stood from their chair, leaning over the desk towards their very frustrated boss. “I know you want me to be the scared little Archivist who you can watch struggle, but I promise that I am not afraid and I’m not gonna come running to you for help. I’m gonna do this my way. And if you want to fuck me over? Well, I’m not gonna need your silly little Entities to be your worst nightmare.”   
  


“Don’t you have Statements to be reading?” Elias’ green eyes refused to brake from Lyf’s gold, but he blinked and that was enough for them to win the silent contest of wills. Lyf, the staff of the Archives, and the pair of cops turned and marched down to the basement. They were gonna need a lot more desks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meh, I don’t actually like this, I’m just a bit burnt out from my school going back to in person.
> 
> Come talk to me on tumblr @my-shitty-taz-fanblog


	32. Scuzz Nishimura: Ultimate Wingman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scuzz does some meddling for Lyf’s good

Sometimes you have to push the people you love. Not to far, you don’t want to lose them, but just enough for them to become the person that you know that they can be. Or, in Tim and Sasha’s case, enough for Martin to stop being a goddamn coward. Martin had a crush on Lyf from day one. Even before the Archives, Martin would find himself writing poetry about the cute stranger from research who would come up to the library every now and then. Tim and Sasha had expected their yelling at him, the way they were far to good with that gun, and the fact that they were a Literal Immortal Alien Space Pirate to all be red flags, but no. Martin was inherently draw to their strange, semi-cryptid boss, and slowly, they started to get it.

“You were the first one to like them,” Sasha argued over her cup of tea. The three of them were the only ones in so far, Melanie never came in before 10 and Lyf and Scuzz were uncharacteristically late. “So you should be the one to ask them out.”

“You both know how anxious I get, I won’t even be able to get the words out” Martin was sat at his desk and receding into his jumper like a turtle into its shell.

“You were the one to ask me out, what’s so different about them?” Tim bent over and rested his head on top of Martin’s, draping his arms around his shoulders in a loose hug.

“Well, for starters,” Martin held up his hand to count of his reasons. “We worked in different departments then, so if you’d turned me down I wouldn’t have had to see you everyday. Plus, you weren’t my boss, so there were no HR violations. And, oh yeah, they’re an immortal alien space pirate!”

“What about immortal alien space pirates?” Lyf called from where they and Scuzz were coming down the stairs. Martin was immediately floundering and Tim started laughing his ass off. Sasha, on the other hand...

“We were making fun of you.” She deadpanned. Lyf smiled slightly and Scuzz joined the laughter. 

“ _ Tell them that they’re ugly! _ _”_ She chuckled, finally pulling a laugh out of her fellow mechanism.

“I’m pretty sure I heard the word for ugly in there,” Tim said before Lyf even had a chance to translate. “And that is simply not true, Scuzz. Look at them, they’re beautiful.”

“Flirting will not get you a raise, Stoker.” Lyf smiled, a slight rainbow tint raising to their cheeks.

“At least a few more vacation days?” Tim grinned.

“I’ll think about it.” Lyf retreated into their office, leaving the ninja with their assistants. Scuzz waited a moment for Sasha to pull up the voice-to-text translator she had on her phone before she started talking.

“ _ So, what were you actually talking about? _ _”_ She glanced over to Martin, who’s very red face was hidden in his hands. “ Is he okay? ”

“No, he’s not.” Martin sighed. “Promise you won’t tell Lyf?”

“ _ Sure, promise. _ _”_ She held her hand scout’s honor style. 

“Martin here has a bit of a crush on our lovely boss.” Sasha explained and Scuzz started to grin.

“You say that like you didn’t rant about their eyes the entire time we were out for drinks last night.” Tim moved to wrap his arm around her shoulder.

“Like you’re one to talk Mr. ‘Their hair is literally the softest thing in the universe.’ You’ve got it just as bad as both of us.” All of the assistants dissolved into laughter and playful taunting. They didn’t notice how Scuzz froze.

“ _ Hold on. _ _”_ She clapped her hands to gain the attention back. “ _ You’ve touched their hair? ” _

“Yep.” Tim confirmed. 

“ _ All of you?”  _ They each nodded in confirmation. “ _And they’ve touched yours?”_

“Is that bad?” Martin furrowed his eyebrows anxiously.

“ _ Well it’s great news for you.”  _ Scuzz smiled. “ _ It means that they’re in love with you.” _

“Oh,” Sasha was the first to break the stunned silence. “That’s cool.”

“Mind walking us through that one, Master Splinter?” Tim sat back on his desk next to Sasha.

“ _ In Midgardian culture, hair is really significant. Lyf doesn’t maintain much of their planet’s culture anymore, but the hair thing is definitely important to them.”  _ Scuzz began to explain. “ _ For example, each of the braids Lyf wears has a specific meaning .  Midgardians never wear their hair down unless they are in mourning, and when it is down, it’s always covered. Things like touching hair, especially washing or styling, are incredibly personal and reserved only for family and romantic partners.” _

“So, like, if they were teaching me how to do their braids, that’s really significant?” Martin’s face was practically glowing red.

“Or if I helped them comb through and wash it?” Tim tapped his fingers on the edge of his desk.

“Or if I touched up their dye and trimmed the ends for them.” Sasha couldn’t sit anymore and was bouncing excitedly on the balls of her feet.

“ _ They let you cut their hair?”  _ Scuzz laughed. “ _ Get a room!” _

Soon after that Scuzz left them to their revelations. Melanie came down the stairs and saw her three co-workers planning something excitedly. Daisy dragged Lyf out for lunch and Basira found her way down with a book from the library about how moon phases effect hauntings. Lyf came back down about an hour later and the three of them stopped them on their way to their office.

“Lyf, you wanna come have dinner with us tonight.” Sasha offered. She was leading the pack after a lost game of rock-paper-scissors.

“I’m sorry?” Lyf seemed genuinely caught of guard by the invitation. Martin took up the lead.

“I’ve been wanting to try this recipe I found,” he explained, his voice only shaking slightly. “So the three of us are having dinner together tonight and we were hoping you’d come.”

“Oh,” Lyf started avoiding eye contact and fidgeting with the sleeve of their cardigan. “Well, I wouldn’t want to intrude and-“

“We’re asking you out, Lyf.” Tim cut them off. They froze entirely and stared back up at them. Their golden eyes shifted in undertones slightly to a nervous shade of green, then blue, before settling on pink. They smiled.

“I-I’d like that” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t have school these past two days so it’s basically the weekend for me. After this assume that Jyf goes up to Scuzz and Daisy and is like “who told” and Scuzz owns up proudly. Martin makes stew I don’t know man.
> 
> Come talk to me on tumblr @my-shitty-taz-fanblog


	33. Soldiering On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the author tries desperately to remind themself that poggers isn’t an old timey british term. Seriously I could fully picture some old british man smoking a pipe and saying “well, that’s right poggers”

Nikola Orsinov was not pleasant to be around. When she broke into Lyf and Scuzz’s apartment, she’d turned out all of the lights, giving her an incredibly unfair advantage. Luckily, Scuzz works best in the shadows and was able to chase her off. She left behind a souvenir in the form of the arm that Lyf managed to rip off of her, but that started moving on its own and crawled back to its owner.

Since then, Lyf had noticed strangers following them around when they searched for wherever Gertrude had hidden the skin. They never really bothered them, but they always gave Lyf a headache when they got too close. At the particular moment, alone in their apartment while Scuzz was out getting groceries, Lyf had a horrible headache. There was a loud knock on the door.

Something that could not be considered a human was stood outside the door. It smiled and waved at them.

“Miss Orsinov wants to see you.” It said. “She says she’s changed her mind.” 

Strong arms made out of something that wasn’t flesh and muscle grabbed them and pulled them outside into a white van with the words “Breekon and Hope” written on the side. In the front of the van, two delivery men turned around to look at Lyf and their wooden captor.

“Did you get Jonathan Sims?” One of them asked. Hope, according to The Eye.

“Yessir.” The wooden man saluted. Lyf almost hadn’t recognized the Toy Soldier in the outfit it wore. It’s floppy-collared, blue jumpsuit made it look more like a clown themed ventriloquist puppet than the nutcracker aesthetic that Lyf was used to.

“Good work, Dummy.” Breekon gave it a thumbs up and it smiled back at him.

“That doesn’t seem like a very nice name.” Lyf frowned.

“That’s what I am, Archivist.” The Soldier turned its permanent smile towards them.

“I’m not sure, I think we should workshop it a little.” Lyf placed a hand on its shoulder and turned to look at the delivery men. “Where are we going, anyhow?”

“That’s not something you get to know.” Hope said as the van started driving towards its destination.

“Blindfold them, Dummy.” Breekon ordered.

“It doesn’t seem kind to order it around like that.” Lyf frowned while allowing TS to tie the blindfold around their head. “And I’m still not a fan of that name.”

“It does what we make it do.” Breekon argued. “Like a Ventriloquist Dummy.”

“Well, it’s seems more like it follows orders.” Lyf reached out to where they were pretty sure the future mechanism was and managed to hold a hand out towards it. After a few moments, it took their hand and held it tightly. Lyf smiled in its direction. “It’s more like a soldier. That’s what we should call it, The Toy Soldier. Do you like that name?”

“I have to say, it does sound quite spiffing.” The Toy Soldier said cheerily. Lyf squeezed its hand and it mimicked the action. “Thank you for the new name, Archivist.”

“You can just call me Jon if you’d like.” They told it, careful to phrase it so that it would have the option.

“Alright, Jon!” It squeezed their hand again.

“Be quiet back there.” Hope ordered. The Toy Soldier stopped talking entirely and Lyf chose to join it in silence.

After a few hours, they arrived at wherever they had been going. TS opened the van door and started leading Lyf into a building. It sat him down in an uncomfortable metal chair and someone ordered it to tie them up. It did so quickly, agreeing to make the rope a little looser when Lyf asked politely. It traded out their blindfold for a gag before it grabbed their hand and squeezed one last time. Then it headed off somewhere else.

After some indeterminate amount of time Nikola Orsinov entered. There was some sort of tie holding her arm on which they took great satisfaction in. She danced around them, speaking into the tape recorder she’d found in their bag. Lyf’s headache made it difficult to follow exactly what she was saying. There was something about lotion in there because at some point later, TS returned with several bottles of the stuff. It asked them to pick out which one they’d like, then preceded to somehow cover their whole body without ever untying them. It did however remove their gag and give them water along with reminders that hydration is important to healthy skin. While it worked, it hummed to itself.

“Can I ask what you’re humming?” They asked one day.

“Just a little song that the Organist has been working on.” It explained. 

“Do you think you’ll be able to sing along with them during the Unknowing? You have a lovely voice.” Lyf complimented.

“No, Miss Orsinov says that my role will be as a backup dancer.” Despite its smile it was obvious that the Toy Soldier was disappointed by this.

“Well, if you can’t sing with them, you should sing your own songs.” They grinned at TS, they’d been trying to figure out how to have this conversation for some time.

“I don’t have any of my own songs.” It slumped slightly.

“I could teach you some of the ones I know, if you’d like.” They suggested. The Soldier lit up.

“That sounds like a smashing idea, Jon old chum!” It cheered brightly. 

“Alright,” They looked around to make sure no one would come stop them before turning back to their future partner. “This song is called Rose Red.”

The two of them fell into a routine. The Toy Soldier would come cover them in lotion and give them food and water, and they would teach it songs and slowly remind it that it was a sentient being with its own thoughts and opinions. Lyf quickly learned to count the days by the times they were visited by their old-yet-new friend. Then, one day, there was a break in the routine.

“Oh… Oh… Oh, Archivist. What have you done now?” Michael’s door creaked open. “It’s almost sad to see you like this.”

Lyf groaned around their mask. Michael started threatening to kill them and they rolled their eyes. It was really annoying that he hadn’t gotten it yet. Eventually he removed the gag and allowed them to ask some questions. They’d been curious about Michael since hearing his voice on that tape, but had almost forgotten that entirely in all the excitement of being kidnapped. When asked about it, he made a whole statement. The feeling of satisfaction that Lyf gained from the distorted monster’s tragic story truly drove home how much he’d missed Knowing things. Once he was done he untied them and led them to his door. Lyf felt awful about leaving TS behind, but didn’t have much of a choice. They reached out to the handle and began to turn it... it didn’t budge.

“It’s locked.” They looked back at Michael who giggled at them.

“It’s not.” He laughed, did he not realize his own door was locked?

“You try it.” They moved out of the way to let the warped man try the door and, sure enough, it didn’t open.

“That’s... that’s not-“ realization dawned on his face. “Oh. Oh no.”

Michael screamed as he ceased to exist. It was an incredibly interesting and indescribably horribly sight. The door changed too, in small, almost imperceptible ways. When it opened, Lyf was greeted by a new, yet familiar face.

“Do you want to come in?” Helen offered.

“Oh, this is fun.” Lyf smiled up at the thing that wasn’t Helen Richardson anymore. She smiled down at them.

“I agree completely.” She laughed. “Do you still want to leave here?”

“Are you still going to kill me?” They wondered. The answer didn’t really matter, but it was still nice to know what they were going into.

“No.” She decided after a moment. “That was Michael’s desire, not mine.”

“Alright, then we should be going.” They were just about to enter the hallways when they heard heavy footsteps coming towards them, accompanied by the sound of Sirens being sung. Helen noticed their hesitation.

“The Stranger’s kind are coming, Archivist.” She frowned. “They’d rather kill you than let you escape.”

“Not this one.” They turned to see TS walking into the room with the lotion and food. It looked shocked to see them untied. “Hello, Toy Soldier.”

“Hello, Jon.” It greeted. “What are you doing up?”

“I’m going to be leaving,” They explained. “Would you like to come with me?”

“Miss Orsinov ordered me to prevent you from escaping.” It sighed. “I’m terribly sorry, but I cannot let you leave.”

“May I order you to do something?” Lyf frowned a bit, they never liked ordering TS to do anything, but this felt necessary. The Soldier thought about it for a moment before nodding and waiting for the command. “Disregard all orders that you’ve received from anyone tied to the Circus of The Other.”

“Right-o.” It saluted. It turned to Helen, who seemed a bit confused about everything that had just went down. “Are we going with you then?”

“I suppose so!” She held the door open for the two of them and led them through the hallways. When they reached another door it opened into the main room of the Archives. Lyf’s friends and partners were sat around, all looking very nervous and tired. They all ran right to them the moment the door opened, then stepped back and glanced nervously at the Toy Soldier.   
  


“Hello everyone, it’s a pleasure to meet you all! Jon’s told me so much about you!” It smiled at the group and that didn’t seem any more comfortable.

“This is the Toy Soldier.” Lyf introduced. “It’s going to be joining our little group.”

_“Great to see you again, TS.”_ Scuzz came up and patted it on the back. It looked confused until Lyf translated, then it looked confused about a different thing.

“Have we met?” It asked.

_“No, but actually yes.”_ Scuzz explained unhelpfully.

“Lovely!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween! Your treat is the Toy Soldier! It was lots of fun to write ts pre-mechs, like it’s just a baby it doesn’t know how the world works.
> 
> Come talk to me on tumblr @my-shitty-taz-fanblog


	34. Talkin’ ‘Bout TS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim wants to talk about The Toy Soldier. I felt like the title made that kinda obvious.

It was getting difficult to have a moment alone with Lyf. Tim didn’t even necessarily want to be alone with them, if they were with Martin, Sasha, Melanie, Georgie, or even Basira, it would be fine. But considering the company that Lyf had started to keep, he’d really prefer to just have them to himself. Lyf’s lunch breaks were spent with Daisy, the corrupt cop who had literally killed them. They went home at night to the apartment they shared with Scuzz, the mysterious immortal who once stabbed them for taking the last of the cookies that Martin had brought in. Every other moment, Lyf was with the newest monster in the Archives, The Toy Soldier. 

The thing had kidnapped them, openly admitted to play a large part in a plan to skin them and bring about the end of the world. It was one of the same things that killed Danny, but Lyf treated it like their best friend in the world. They taught it to play cards and they bought it a mandolin and a glockenspiel. They played songs with it and let it sit in while they read statements. In the weeks that had passed since it joined the Archival Staff, Tim had only seen it stray from Lyf’s side once, and that was to hand Scuzz a mug of tea that smelled strongly of lighter fluid. Scuzz took a sip and he could swear that he saw her chewing. She died an hour later, then got up and requested another mug. Sure, Scuzz and Lyf would always be fine, but watching his partner and they’re best friend cough up blood after eating a muffin filled with needles was never something that Tim would be okay with. 

“I need to talk to you.” Tim frowned when he opened the door to Lyf’s office and saw the Soldier already sitting inside. “Alone.”

“Oh, of course!” Lyf gave him that grin that could probably stop entire armies in their tracks. “Would you mind giving a moment, TS?”

“Absolutely old bean!” The Soldier stood from its chair and moved to the door. “Have a nice chat.”

“What’s wrong?” Lyf let their smile drop and a look of concern took its place. 

“I didn’t say anything was wrong.” Tim took a seat in the chair across from their desk and tried to look less obviously unnerved by the wooden man’s presence.

“You didn’t,” Lyf offer their hand to hold across the desk, Tim took it gratefully. “But there is something?”

“I’d prefer if you didn’t use your Eye powers on me.” He only half joked.

“I didn’t, you’re just very easy to read.” Tim raised an eyebrow and Lyf squeezed his hand. “That’s a good thing. It’s nice not having to guess how you feel.”

“It’s just...” Tim sighed, avoided eye contact. “Why to you trust that... thing?”

“You mean The Toy Soldier?” Tim nodded. “It’s my friend.”

“It’s made of wood.” Tim frowned and Lyf matched the expression. 

“That doesn’t mean it can’t be my friend.” They argued.

“You act like being ‘friends’ with it was a foregone conclusion.” Tim was trying not to yell, knowing how thin the walls were. “It works for the Circus, it’s trying to end the world.”

“We work for the Institute, Tim.” Lyf’s face and voice became completely neutral in a way that somehow felt more dangerous than if they had gotten angry. “What do you think Elias is planning.”

“That’s not the same.” Tim had pulled back his hand at this point, it now sat shaking in his lap.

“Yes, it is.” Lyf held tightly to the arms of their chair. “End of the world? Tim, worlds end all the time. I’m immortal, not only have I watched countless worlds burn, I lit the match a fair number of times. You know that, I told you that. What makes the Circus so different from me?”

“You didn’t kill my brother.” Tim mumbled. Suddenly, Lyf’s entire mood changed. Tim almost wanted to scream at them, but their gaze wasn’t pitying, it was sympathetic. “You didn’t steal his skin and puppet it around like some sort of toy. I’d love to forget and move on, but that moment is burned into my mind. I can’t forget and I definitely can’t forgive.”

“Good.” Lyf’s face hardened. “You don’t have to forgive them and you should absolutely never forget. Trust me when I say that that hole in your memory hurts so much more than the grief that you’re feeling now.”

“How can you be so sure?” Tim had honestly never seen them so serious. It was a disconcerting look on them.

“Like I said, I’m immortal. But everyone in the Yggdrasil system, every friend, family member, partner, co-worker, and random stranger on the street? They weren’t.” Lyf Never talked about Midgard or Yggdrasil, Tim was starting to get an idea of why. “Etched into my memory is the screams that rang out when my world ended, the suffocating silence that came afterwards, but worse than that is the gaps in my memory where my sister’s smile should be, or my brother’s voice, or my Mom’s first name. I will never forgive Odin for that, but the Toy Soldier is different. It functions on orders, here with us is the first time that it’s been allowed to act on its own desires. It chooses to use that free will to play cards with me and make biscuits. It doesn’t want to end the world, it just wants to do whatever will make the people around it happy.”

“How do you know that?” Tim walked around the desk and wiped the prism tears away from Lyf’s eyes. They mimicked the same action on him.

“Partially because of the Eye.” They smiled, cupping Tim’s cheek in their hand. “Partially because the first time I met it was on the starship Aurora. It was, it will be, a Mechanism.”

“God, your timeline is complicated.” Tim wrapped his arms around their shoulders as was basically sat in their lap. Then he realized something. “Wait, holy shit! You used to dated the Toy Soldier!”

“Keep it down, will you?” Lyf’s cheeks flashed in shades of the rainbow.

“You totally did.” Lyf buried their face in his shoulder and nodded. “Okay, I trust you.”

“I’m sorry?” Lyf’s voice was slightly muffled by Tim’s shirt.

“If old TS is good enough for you to date for thousands of years, it’s good enough for me.” Tim wasn’t completely ready to trust it, but they could trust Lyf. 

“Thank you.” Lyf’s eyes shined with an undertone of pink, a color that Tim had managed to figure out meant that they were happy. Eventually the two of them left the office to find Martin, Basira, and Sasha trying desperately to explain to the Soldier that cyanide should not go in tea. Melanie, Scuzz, and Daisy were watching from the sidelines, Daisy held her phone up, apparently recording the chaos. Martin looked up and spotted them.

“I said that we shouldn’t keep the poison next to the sugar, but does anyone listen to me?” He complained fondly, removing the bag of circular tablets from the Toy Soldier’s hand.

“Hey TS,” Melanie smiled, getting a dangerous look in her eyes. “Would you help me make some tea for Elias?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In other news, I shaved my head. That’s not important, but I just like telling people.
> 
> Come talk to me on tumblr @my-shitty-taz-fanblog


	35. All Booked Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scuzz and Lyf make a new friend.

Scuzz and Lyf shared a look when the woman that was following them walked up to their table. After years of friendship, they were able to communicate without saying a word. This look meant “we’ll only kill her if we have to.” Luckily, the woman, Julia, made to clever choice of not using violence to kidnap them. They really didn’t have much better to do, and the Usher Foundation really wasn’t going anywhere, so they happily followed her. They’re willingness to cooperate when she was very clearly threatening them seemed to rattle her just slightly, but she didn’t waver as she directed them to got into the back of her car. 

After a long ride, Officer “Mustermann” pulled them over. Lyf barely had the chance to tell him what a fan they were of his work before Trevor Herbert jumped out of the trunk and shot him. Then they stuff his regenerating body back in the trunk and finished the drive to their cabin that was far enough from civilization that no one would hear them scream. Not that they would be screaming, Trevor and Julia just thought it was very funny to point out, showing a clear misunderstanding of the situation. 

“What if we try to run?” Lyf asked innocently.

“I’m very much hoping that you do.” Trevor grinned.

_ “ And what if we fight back.”  _ Scuzz asked threateningly.

“Good luck with that.” Julia frowned after Lyf translated.

The hunters continued to mistakenly think that they were the ones in control of the situation, but agreed to make a statement. After officer “Mustermann” confirmed their story, they even let them talk to Gerard Keay in the Book of the Dead.

“And so, Gerard Keay ended.” Lyf read out. If all felt a bit overdramatic, but really most of this entity business was. Suddenly, a goth man was stood in front of them. “Gerard Keay?”

“You’re new.” Gerard sighed and looked the two of them up and down. “Did you kill them?”

“Did we kill the hunters?” Gerard nodded.

_ “No, but we can if you’d like.”  _ Scuzz pulled out four knives from somewhere. Gerard raised his eyebrows, apparently understanding her.

“I’m sure that’s not necessary.” He stretched his arms over his head despite not having muscles that could need stretching. “I already told them, I’m not talking.”

“I’m sorry?” Lyf grinned at his resistance.

“I’m not their bloody monster manual, I’m done.” Gerard leaned against the wall, seeming to hit his head and rub it uncomfortably before realizing he couldn’t feel the pain.

_ “Dungeons and Dragons, really?”  _ Scuzz laughed.  _ “You are way less cool than I expected.” _

“I don’t need to defend myself to you.” Gerard crosses his arms defensively. “Who are you guys anyways? I’m guessing you’re a couple of killer freaks from the knives?”

“No... well, yes, we are both killers, but that’s not important.” Lyf explained. They weighed their options regarding what fake names to give before settling on the real ones. “I’m Lyfrassir Edda and this is Scuzz Nishimura, we’re with the Magnus Institute. I’m the Archivist.”

“When’d she die?” Gerard frowned.

“About a year after you did.” They said.

“Was it peaceful?” He asked.

_ “Shot in the chest.”  _ Scuzz answered.  _ “Elias killed her.” _

“I knew I didn’t like that guy.” He laughed. “I’m glad though, I don’t think she would’ve wanted to die in peace.”

“No, she didn’t seem like the type.” Lyf agreed.

“You said that you’re killers?” Gerard moved to the table the book was on and sat on top of it. “Bit of a strange choice for an Archivist.”

“I don’t think Elias quite understood what he was getting into when he chose me.” Lyf grinned. “Look, we’re trying to stop the Unknowing.”

“So she didn’t manage it?” Gerard frowned. 

_ “Not before she kicked it.”  _ Scuzz explained.

“What my friend here means, is we need your help.” Lyf smacked her arm for being so cavalier. “She thought she found a way to stop it. If anyone knows what that was, it’s you.”

“No.” Gerard crossed his arms. He looked like a child who didn’t want to clean his room.

_ “You do know”  _ Scuzz argued.  _ “If this all goes down, the Circus will-“ _

“The world changes in horrible ways, I know.” He cut her off. “For you. I’m a book.”

“Are you serious?” Lyf let out and exasperated sigh.

“Dead serious.” Gerard smiled. If he wasn’t already dead, Lyf would’ve killed him for that pun. “It hurts. Being like this. And it’s not like any pain you can feel when you’re alive. It hurts to exist. To be dead and still here. And those two want to keep me like this, so I can answer questions about their Dracula of the week. So no. Help me, or you go to your little apocalypse with nothing.”

Lyf and Scuzz shared another look. There was a suffocating silence in the cold room. They stared at each other for a moment, exchanging quiet thoughts. Then they both burst into laughter.

“Oh, fuck off!” Lyf laughed. “Your big complaint is conditional immortality? You stupid motherfucker!”

_ “We all wish we could die, dumbass.”  _ Scuzz wiped the tears that started to come to her eyes.  _ “Join the goddamn club.” _

“I’m sorry.” Gerard glared at them. 

“You’re complaining to two immortals about your inability to die when you’ve only been like this for what? Three years, four?” Lyf rolled their eyes. “Sorry, but if your looking for empathy, you’re not getting it from us.”

_ “If we have to suffer through eternity, you can stick around for a few more months while you help us stop the Unknowing.”  _ Scuzz smiled. 

“Look, we can steal your page so you don’t have to explain the monster of the week to those two, but you’re too useful to burn just yet.” Lyf picked up the tome and slowly ripped out the page before stuffing it in their bag. “The hunters will probably be here soon to see what all the commotion was.”

_ “They won’t like us taking the page.”  _ Scuzz sighed.

“What do you say,” Lyf chuckled. “Sneak through the window or fight our way out?”

_ “It’s been a minute since we had any good violence.”  _ A few more knives found their way into Scuzz’s hands, giving her claws reminiscent of Wolverine.

“It has indeed.” Two of Lyf’s pistols were in their hands and they turned back to Gerard who seemed slightly concerned.

“They’ll kill you.” He frowned.

“We’ll be fine.” They assured. “For now, you’re dismissed.”

The ghost disappeared just as Julia and Trevor burst in. Knives and supercharged plasma flew through the air towards the hunters, giving them enough time to run out of the cabin and steal their car. Scuzz drove away at an irresponsible speed while Lyf re-summoned Gerard to properly get his statement. He was dismissed once they reached the airport, and only summoned again when Lyf and Scuzz were walking back into the Institute. They’re coworkers looked nervously at the semi-transparent goth as Lyf introduced him.

“This is Gerard Keay.” Gestured to him while smiling at the raised eyebrows of his friends and partners.

“Gerry.” He mumbled.

“What was that.” Basira asked.

“Gerard was what my mum called me.” He laughed nervously. “I always wanted my friends to call me Gerry.”

“Welcome aboard, Gerry.” Martin smiled sweetly. Everyone went around introducing themselves to the newest member of the team.

“Now then.” Lyf clapped. “We’ve got a storage unit to track down.”

“Already on it.” Sasha called from her desk, where she was typing quickly on her laptop.

“You are lovely.” Lyf moved over to her and gave her a small kiss on the head.

“You really care about all of them, don’t you?” Gerry asked from next to them.

“I do, yes.” Lyf answered.   
  


“You are very different from Gertrude.” He smiled. “I like that about you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gerry has yet to recognize Jyf from the concert he went to. Happy thanksgiving to any of you that celebrate it, I’m very grateful there’s so many people who support my writing and read my stories.
> 
> Come talk to me on tumblr @my-shitty-taz-fanblog or on Twitter @astera_emmaline

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [A Story You've Heard Before](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26468320) by [SeafoamTaide](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeafoamTaide/pseuds/SeafoamTaide)




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